Daily Health Log – Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Syndrome – Ciprofloxacin Induced
July 29, 2010 – visit to PA Jesse at a medical clinic. He prescribed Cipro 500 mg twice a day for 5 days, said I had a really bad infection as indicated by a urinalysis he performed in office. Started Cipro mid-morning for uti, within an hour or two I had a very watery diarrhea and called doctors office. Was told that the diarrhea could not be related to the rx because it was too soon, that I should continue taking the medicine. I expressed concern and was told by the nurse, who was told by the PA (Jesse) that it was something I ate. I did not eat anything unusual that morning or the day before, which I told her, and she became frustrated with me and told me that if the diarrhea continues, then she could have Jesse prescribe a new RX. The diarrhea did not persist. Later that day I experienced a headache, abdominal pain and a weakness/fatigue that I assumed were part of the UTI illness.
July30-Aug 2, 2010 – proceeded to take Cipro 2x per day 500mg. UTI symptoms improved, but abdominal pain remained as well as low grade fever and a slight burning sensation when urinating. On aug 2, 2010 Called dr office, they said to continue taking the Cipro for 3 more days and to pick up a lab slip for a urine culture and blood tests the next morning.
August 3, 2010 – Still not feeling well although urination urgency and most of the pain with urination is gone. Completed lab tests this morning at Quest. Pet my dog this evening, and moments later developed a fine rash on the inside of both wrists, very itchy. The rash looked like small red bumps, like any allergic contact dermatitis and since the aerial mosquito spray had been dumped that evening, I assumed the rash was from the mosquito spray. The rash spread to a large portion of my body, covering about 60% total skin area, within an hour of onset, but was gone when I woke up the next morning.
August 4, 2010 – took regular dose of Cipro this morning, but late this evening, the rash appeared only now it presented as red swollen skin in large stripes all over my body. We identified the rash as hives which I have never had before, but my mother gets it sometimes although hers are much smaller. The hives are several inches wide and close to a foot long, they spread all over my body within less than an hour and are itchy. It occurs to us that maybe I am allergic to the Cipro, look it up online and sure enough hives is listed as a severe allergic reaction, so we decide to keep a close eye on me through the night, make sure I can breathe normally and make a plan for a visit to ER if my breathing is compromised. Find myself experiencing what I would describe as unreasonable behavior – pacing and panic for about an hour before bed, then tremors while trying to fall asleep. I have a general feeling of illness, and decide to not take the Cipro that night.
August 5, 2010 – Woke up with no rash, went to conference, burning a fever, abdominal pain, could it be appendix? Tired, weak. Called dr at mid morning break explained the hives and the ab pain and fever, make an appt for this evening. See PA Amber and Med Center, they are concerned about the fever and ab pain. My urine and blood work from Aug 3 are normal. They take more blood (unsuccessful attempt on R arm, then she finally got it on my L) and urine tonight, everything looks fine, except red blood cells are slightly elevated. Take health history, decide to do a pelvic exam and PAP smear. Pelvic exam normal. Amber is concerned it may be my appendix, instructed me to take advil for pain, and to go to ER if symptoms get worse or do not improve. I leave not knowing what is wrong but that I am allergic to Cipro. Was there for 2 hours.
August 6, 2010 – woke up with a huge 5 inch long and 1 inch wide bruise on R arm where the nurse had drawn my blood the night before, went to conference, still feverish and generally under the weather. Abdominal pain still prevalent. Heart palpitations and tremors throughout the day and into the evening, as well as blurry vision and headache, still thinking maybe I have appendicitis.
August 7, 2010 – abdominal pain improved today, but low grade fever persists and now my hands are achy. Also, I just feel retarded today, like I can’t keep my thoughts straight or articulate myself eloquently. I feel a little grumpy and impatient. At conference most of the day but am feeling not myself. Vision still blurry.
August 8, 2010 – woke up menstruating, maybe this explains some of my malaise from the past few days? That’s a short cycle, only 26 days. Really crampy, take 2 ibuprofen tabs, go play miniature golf with the family (I feel like crap, but I promised). On our way home about 4 hours later, my joints in both hands become really painful, then that stupid feeling hits in the brain, and then all hell broke loose. Entire L side of body feels weak and unresponsive to my mental commands, and it hurts. I am scared, we go home and I go straight to bed, I am so afraid that I cannot control the L side of my body very well. Should we go to hospital? I don’t want to, then I really do, I tell Japh to take me, he says he calls my mom and she’s not answering, he doesn’t want to take me with them in tow. The nightmare progresses. Brain fogginess, and brain spasm type sensations which seem to originate from the back of my neck which is really hard to explain. Panic, tremors, almost seizure like convulsions, tremors, chills, shakes, fever, erratic pacing, panic, weakness in both hands and left side of body. Am I having a stroke? NO. Weak everywhere, can barely walk, blurry vision, difficulty breathing, difficulty talking, erratic all consuming WAVES of pain, tendons hurt everywhere, stiffness, weak muscle control, fear, hands so weak can’t grasp anything at all. This goes on for a couple of hours, finally so exhausted I literally pass out. When I wake, I am calmer but curious, look online, Google symptoms; find two things that totally nail my symptoms: “subjective weakness” and “peripheral neuropathy”. Then I Google Cipro, both things are listed, and guess what? You are not supposed to take ibuprofen with Cipro, and it takes 3-5 days after discontinuing the use to clear the Cipro from your system. This is the most frightening experience of my life, I thought I would die. I kept telling my kids how much I loved them. I kept saying my goodbyes. How do I articulate that? It’s not possible. Decide to look for a Cipro “cure”, long search, no results, no success stories, just thousands of unhappy mismanaged people who are suffering and looking for cures. Horror stories, suicide, sudden death, etc. Can’t read anymore miserable accounts, where are the success stories??? What kind of doctor do I need? I don’t have insurance. I need to strategize. Who to call? An internist? A toxicologist? WHO? All I read about are doctors giving out pain meds and anti-psychotics. Great. Then I found a guy who got better. He suffered 3 years before he found someone to give him intravenous Glutathione therapy. What the fuck is that? Where do I get it? We are ready to fly to Italy for it if we have to, but no. Folsom – Dr. Raithel. We will call tomorrow. It’s looking like our best option.
August 9, 2010 – Get an appt for a consultation with Raithel. R knee so weak and popping, can’t think about it. L ankle does not extend backwards, really shaky, brain fog. Meet Raithel. OMG she is so young, set it aside, she had Glutathione and thinks it will help. Made appt for new patient exam for tomorrow and a treatment as well. This can’t be happening. I need to write this stuff down.
August 10, 2010 – I’m going to start keeping notes every day. Went back and penned everything I could remember while it is fresh in my memory. Had physical exam with Raithel. L Achilles has NO reflex at all. 1st Glutathione treatment, felt heat in both hands and some weakness was improved in L hand. She noted a bunch of stuff but I’m too sick to pay close attention. I got the impression that I am not well.
August 11, 2010 – R Achilles and heel extremely weak and painful. L Achilles still weak too. Can barely walk, both knees are painful and weak, both knees popping. R shoulder hurts very bad, sharp pain. Neck hurts around C5. Had some panic today again. Tremors. More research, looking for an allopathic dr. but don’t want to call my regular physician because I don’t have insurance, calling UCD, they won’t see me without a referral. How do I get a referral? Called Dr.Keon and Lino Cedros.
August 12, 2010 – snapping sensations r calf, r heel, r wrist, L neck, L ankle, top of R foot. Strained feeling in both calves, very weak both knees. Walking is very painful. Heels are very tender, brain fog and brain spasm blank feeling. Had a Meyers cocktail today at Raithel’s. Found an MD in Irvine with experience in treating Cipro Toxicity spoke with his son Nick who also suffered serious Cipro side effects, trying to get an appointment but may need to go to a detox center first? Strange things with these people, affiliations, I don’t know, but it gives me hope. Scared the tendons in my neck will snap. Used a wheelchair today at Raithel’s and it was such a relief. Twitching all over my body, but most prevalent in knees, feet and calves. Neck snaps every time I take a deep breath or make the slightest movement. Literally a hundred times a day, it is so scary. The Meyers seems to have cleared my head a bit. Was able to make significant corrections with Yuen Method (YM), significant improvement in tendons.
August 13, 2010 – Had a Glutathione push today, it felt good, seems supportive. Rest of the day is scary blur. I think I may be in shock. Decided I cannot drive anymore.
August 14, 2010 – woke up in pain and scared. My husband has had it, wants me to go to ER, called my mom. I took a shower and we went in, got there at 1:15pm. Waited on a gurney in a hallway for 6 or 7 hours before they took me back. The time this week has past in such a blur, same as in the hallway. I am basically hobbling on my feet like they are stilts; I have very little control left. I need my husband with me at all times. When they finally took me back, the nurse Jeremy violently puts an 18 gauge IV catheter in my R wrist. It hurts sooo bad, then he leaves and makes some derogatory comments to who I think is a DR about Cipro Toxicity (“if she’s allergic to Cipro, why did she take it?” like duh- what an idiot), he never said hello or introduced himself to me or anything, what a dick. ER doc immediately shoot down the Cipro Toxicity idea, because “Cipro doesn’t have these types of side effects”, and “if there was a black box label, we would know about it”. So in their minds, it is something else, whatever, I don’t care, I know they can’t help me anyway and they are interested in ruling out the “big bad scary stuff” and I’m kinda interested in that too since I am so scared. They start in about Gion Barre SP????, how it attacks your extremities first, then works its way into the torso until it hits the lungs and the lungs become paralyzed and then you die. Is there a cure? Panic. One doc says yes, if you catch it in time, his colleague had it, and the other doctor says NO. Great. Make up your fucking minds. They want a spinal tap. Scared. Really scared. They think I’m an idiot for being scared. Assholes. They do it 100 times a day… it’s no big deal. TO THEM! Assholes. Neurologist comes in, does his exam, health history, more poking, more pounding on my Achilles looking for responses, there is nothing good going on down there. Neuro doc says I might have MS. Great. Need a spinal. Need an MRI of my brain. Need an MRI of my neck. These exams and conversations take hours. So many people. So scared. My husband called Paul in Chicago for some YM cx to calm me down. Do spinal. Ouch. To speed it up, he taps repeatedly on the needle thingy, I can feel it, so scary. This is not a normal thing to do. Thank god my husband is with me, because I think I could literally die of fright. They think I’m weird. I get MRIs done, they want to admit me. 5am they wheel me into my room, wake up the poor girl next me, she just had a shunt stuck in her brain, poor thing. Ericka, her name was Erica. Sweet girl. Four kids and sick husband at home. Pretty blue eyes. I get settled in, nurse, more blood work, more exams, more doctors. They finally leave, I send my husband home and tell him I will call when the Neuro team comes in the morning, maybe he can sleep for a few hours. We text until he falls asleep. I sleep about 30 minutes before they wake me for “breakfast”.
August 15, 2010 – I’m in the hospital, just lying here, so weak. Calves hurt really bad, burning, aching. Pins and needles, hot and cold, one sensation after another. The nuero team came in today, head by the chief of neurology (the biggest idiot I have ever met) and guess what? There is nothing wrong with me! I am in perfect health, “the tests say so”! And I have “a little arthritis as is normal for someone my age with a previous neck injury” in my C5 “which would explain the pain and weakness in the left arm and hand”. As for my right arm and hand and both legs, well, that is a mystery because “there is nothing wrong”. “It couldn’t be Cipro toxicity because Cipro doesn’t do this to people and if it did there would be a black box label, which there isn’t.” Ummm… excuse me? Are you telling me that I came in here with pain and weakness in all four extremities and that you honestly believe that my left arm is affected because of arthritis but the other three limbs are fine, EXCEPT for the fact that I can’t walk? Are you serious? Is that all you’ve got? “Well no, actually we think you will need extensive physical therapy to help you regain the strength you will need to walk again”. Oh, ok. Thanks. Later that night I realized that I could no longer wiggle my toes or activate on any small level my calf or shin muscles. I am dead from the knee down. I can feel stimulus on the outside of my legs (like on the skin), but nothing on the inside. I called the nurse who brought a Neurologist with her. She did the poky things and all the shit the other 30 doctors did and said, “Hmmm. That is strange. Well, I’m sure it will get better. Try not to worry about it.” I looked at her like she must be joking, then she got offended and left. What an idiot. And an asshole.
August 16, 2010 – still in hospital, they are finally coming to realize that I do not have a neurological disorder or disease, they are checking off the list of “big, bad, ugly stuff” and are finally willing to consider that I may have Cipro toxicity, this concession only comes after they accept the print out from FDA website my husband brought in, the information they have claimed does not exist for the past two days. Physical therapy decides I cannot go home without a wheelchair. Now that I may have Cipro toxicity, they would like to do some tests, an ultrasound of my legs, an MRI with contrast of my legs, and a NCS nerve conduction study with something or other, all to determine the possibility that my legs don’t work because of something NOT in my brain. I am then warned that the contrast is dangerous and the NCS will be extremely painful. HMMMM. I ask what they will do for me when they finally figure out that I have peripheral neuropathy, tendonitis and nerve damage, and they confess that the treatment in limited to pain management and anti-psychotics. SO… no thank you. I will go home now, where I can be loved by my family and fed nourishing food. See ya. While lying in bed, I get a call from Dr Yuen, he worked on me for 30 minutes. By the end of our appt I experienced feeling in my calves (I didn’t know how numb I was) and I regained the ability to wiggle my toes. Then the docs came back, and I showed them the change, and they suggested that maybe the numbness and weakness had been caused by stress, and how I seemed so much more relaxed today than three days ago when I arrived. You must be kidding me. Please god, get me out of this hell hole. Went home that evening, so good and scary to be home. They delivered my wheelchair at 9pm.
August 17, 2010 – Went to Revolutions (Dr. Raithel’s). Started homeopathy today, and had a Meyers Cocktail. Veins in my legs are huge. Ankles and knees are killing me and clicking all the time. Twitches, too.
August 18, 2010 – woke up miserable today, tired and horribly heavy. Pain everywhere. Called Dr. Raithel to cancel, she suggests a “healing crisis” brought on by homeopathy. I improved into the afternoon with improved balance on my feet.
August 19, 2010 – woke up coughing. Spinal pain where the tap was done, really hurts. Location of 18 gauge IV catheter from ER is swollen and killing me. Total mental breakdown, crazies. Fear, rash, diarrhea, flank pain. Legs feel a little better. Am I moving backward through my experience? It gives me hope.
August 20, 2010 – my first day up all day in my wheelchair instead of lying in bed. Then a total psychotic breakdown, thought my family was conspiring against me, even my kids, totally fucking crazy. Thanked god when it was over and asked for forgiveness. Pain improved, mind clearer, more communicative, panic eased up toward the end of the day. R shoulder snapped when lifting a cup, scared me. Getting around pretty good in my chair. A little more energy today.
August 21, 2010 – Up in my chair, but calves are tired achy all day, suspect the strain on my tendons from sitting all day yesterday, like the blood goes in the legs and doesn’t pump out, causing pressure and swelling. Also, sitting up does put some weight on my feet. I decided to sit in bed with my feet elevated and put ice on the painful spots. Sharp tearing sensations in Achilles tendons, calves, r shoulder. Pain increases. Lunch/visit with Josh and Karla, then wiped out, a little feverish and twitchy legs. Go to bed.
August 22, 2010 – woke up to excruciating pain in r shoulder. Very weak on my feet. Scared. Panic. I’m getting worse. YM with my husband this morning, mental and emotional outlook improved with that, as well as pain. Evening time YM myself, parasites, fascia, mitochondria glucose, o2 parasitic invasion. Results significant in bringing feet closer together by almost a foot (they were spread beyond hip distance when I walked before) and toes pointed in a more forward direction. Noticing that most critical moments happen early in the day between 1st and 2nd homeopathy dose. Still have less sensation in L leg than R. Noticeable pain relief when walking since YM cx.
August 23, 2010 – woke up ok after 9 hrs of sleep. Definite relationship between sleep and wellness, the more the better. Mental fog coming and going, it is scary. Physically improved from yesterdays cx still, that makes me happy. Knee and ankle pain still better but painful. Walking is less tiresome (before I would become exhausted after walking 8 ft, now I can go 20 ft or more). Glutathione push today. Consulted with Lino today, he said no ice, movement in pool would be good, no treatment for legs yet, detox first, too soon for ozone therapy. Contacted Dr. Rowen about ozone, contact homeopathy distributor, talked to the pharmacist who made it, she gave me name and number for the Dr. who commissioned its creation, Dr. M, called Dr. M and he spoke to me at length. So many leads, but it all feels overwhelming. Lino adjusted my neck and back and pzoas, it all feels much better. Brain hiccups continue today, and I’m getting fat.
August 24, 2010 – Meyers cocktail today. Didn’t sleep well last night. Vibrating in my body keeps me up sometimes. Pain does too. Pain increased today in L knee, R ankle, R calf, peripheral neuropathy both hands, spotty brain numbness can’t explain too well, very tired, poor vision that is blurry AND eyes doing this weird fluttery spasm thing. Ordered more homeopathy. Thank god I didn’t have the crazies today.
August 25, 2010 – took only 2 homeopathy this morning because running out, made a watery concoction with the rest to last me longer, but it makes it stronger. If I am going backward in time, this would be my first day of terror, which makes me nervous because I don’t want to relive that day. R knee, R Achilles really tight this morning. I feel fragile. Scared. Excited for the potential that this could end. My husband went to work this morning. That upset me. I am afraid to be away from him. Sinus discomfort (in line with Aug 7), walking better today makes me hopeful. Throat feels tight tonight, thick. Itchy palms, slight redness rash on throat area. Heavy tired tonight. Eyes are burning and blurry and twitching. I have a headache.
August 26, 2010 – woke up with a really sensitive CNS, tender tired and weak. Noise is unbearable and light feels like torture. Pain is still improved however, and mobility is more stable. Today I had IV Meyers and continue with liquid homeopathy. Met Marlyse today, she said my CNS is fried and that I’m so sensitive, she’s not sure about even touching me, I agree. I am afraid of brain damage. My eyes hurt and burn. I have a headache. IV location feels very sore from Meyers. Feet swollen and throbbing, veins are large. Tried a cup of chamomile tea tonight. I had a weak cup because I am so sensitive, I don’t even want to chance chamomile. Afraid of chamomile?
August 27, 2010 – woke up really tired, didn’t sleep well last night. Buzzing inside my body again. CNS on fire, have my blinds pulled and sleeping shades on, two sets of earplugs in each ear, and a pillow over my head, and still I am barely comfortable. Epsom bath with lavender was soothing. St. John’s Wort Oil rub on torso and back seemed to calm me, too. Very weak, emotional, strung out feeling. Afraid to have kids here, afraid I’m making their world like a prison, restricting noise and movement. The kids are so stimulating, I can barely stand to have them in the house, two minutes and I seriously fear my head will explode. Raw. Mad at UCD. Headache. Not moving much.
August 28, 2010 – Woke up and either my vision was so blurry that I was actually blind or I looked at normal things and my brain couldn’t register what they were. Very scary and strange. Disoriented. Yep, blind for a few minutes. Slept 10 hours last night. Could have slept several more. I never feel like I am well enough rested, not matter how much I sleep. Body getting tight and sore all over. Not moving enough. Spent some time in the sun today, felt like a really normal thing to do, but it was exhausting. Spent 3 hours tonight battling insanity. True insanity. May have been the scariest night of my life. 3 hours wanting to die. Suicide actually seemed rational to me. I had such a good argument for it, it didn’t even feel like arguing, it just made sense and seemed kind of peaceful. Losing control of my mind was an awakening. I’d rather be in a wheelchair than a straight jacket. Being crazy hurts, physically and psychically in ways that are so extreme and frightening, it feels like you will die from it, like it could kill you. I crossed over, but there was this little tiny powerless portion of my mind that was still me. The thing that was in charge of my thinking was alien. I never want to go there again. I don’t think I could survive another night like that. It was like being in prison. All locked up and powerless.
August 29, 2010 – After such a crazy night, I still did not sleep. Scared. Jittery. Fragile mentally. Fragile emotionally. Fever. 101.9 and 99.6 (ear). R ankle and R knee tender (I stood on something that extended R Achilles last night). Scared to death of the crazies. Skipped my evening dose of homeopathy last night, was too scared to take it. I was crazy. Crazies hurt so bad, so much worse than anything physical. No change in vision today. Spent time in sun today. Have not seen or spoken to friends or family these past few days. Have mostly been in bed, in my dark room. Have been so depressed, no movement makes it worse I think. Need to move, but so tired all the time. SOOOO tired. I’m frustrated that all these words will never really document my experience. There are no words and it takes so much out of me, I can barely get it out, and Ieave out things. Talking out loud makes me nervous. I actually get nauseas when I talk. I’m afraid to talk or nod my head, I get so sick, then I get scared. Scared of the crazies. Bath.
August 30, 2010 – Glut push today. Slept well last night. Feel better than yesterday. Legs really tired but a little more stable.
August 31, 2010 – Really tired. Got groggy after Meyers. Meyers made me feel nauseas and light headed. Really slow and grumpy in the afternoon and by this evening, my legs are really super sore and weak. Twitching in calves and ankles burning. Calves burning. Heels tender. Took several baths today to soothe, they were slightly effective. Tried to read out loud tonight and found that I could not do it. When I read and talk at the same time, I get so nauseous I feel like I will throw up. It also hurt my head when I tried, like my brain was straining so hard it hurt.
September 1, 2010 – Really weak today. Tender legs, ankles and knees. My first h202 today and it really burned going in. As soon as I got home, I started menstruating this dark blackish colored blood. This is about 5 days earlier than expected. Amazing YM appointment with K, really purged some stuff, felt like she gave me some direction. I am at my weakest now. Dad issues. Low appetite for the first time. K said I store toxins in my pelvic area, which I can’t even feel today. My mom issues really came up today too. The K appt was overwhelming in a healing way. Telepathy. Dr. R added something to the h202 that made me smell like asparagus. My time with K really helped me to center, I am so grateful.
September, 2, 2010 – K called with her insights about my condition (dark energy). I had an appt with Marlyse today but didn’t feel like I could be touched without going crazy. When I get stimulated in any way, my energy changes to a much faster frequency, and it is very uncomfortable. My husband went to Marlyse hoping he could use the time we held for himself, but they ended up talking about her insights regarding my condition and the drug, she said it was “very dark and unusual”. Obviously, we drew the same conclusions about 2 minutes after my first symptoms, but if feels nice to have confirmation from others, and it feels less lonely to have this understood. So I went for a Meyers today, and it went so fast! Usually it takes an hour and half to get it in, but today was 30 minutes. Obviously the h202 has cleared a pathway and I’m really happy about that. Right after Meyers, my mental condition totally changed, the fog lifted, I felt the clearest I have felt in a month. When she removed the IV, it bled a lot, which never happens, so I suspect the h202 may have thinned my blood. I could not taste the Meyers still, but my urine really smells like a multivitamin. I suspect my taste and smell senses are off. Menses very unusual, obviously toxic waste (by product of YM with K? Perhaps accumulated YM cx finally coming out like Dr. Yuen describes?) Blood is all over the map, dark black, dark brown/grey, and bright red. Had a weird hiccup type thing for an hour after Meyers. Legs really weak today, but pain significantly improved, especially since Meyers. L Hand, pinky and index finger numb, L foot pinky and two other toes numb (the L side of my L side numb).
September 3, 2010 – My constitution feels stronger today, but my legs are weaker. K called, she bailed out of our plan to work together twice a week. I was devastated, I even begged, and cried for her to reconsider. If there was one thing I have been sure about since this began, it was that she and I were destined to work this out together. I know she is making a mistake but she insists that I need to do this myself. I know she is probably right, but right now I feel as powerless and without direction as I have ever even imagined feeling. Carrying myself through this monumental journey seems impossible. She says I need to find god, and re-birth myself. I have never felt so weak and incapable. Even writing this is a major chore. I know she has been working on me all day long because I can feel her. Also, she totally neutralized me to her abandonment. I felt like I might die of aloneness when she first called and told ne the news, but three hours later, I feel totally neutral. That’s K. She is amazing. My legs tingle, and I am exhausted. Rock bottom emotionally. I know I need to own my power, it is big, and I am in fact afraid of it. My hands and brain feel clearer and stronger today. Meyers? Still bleeding the black blood. Knees weak, feel like they will fold in backwards. Breasts have sharp stabbing pains. Performed some YM energy work on myself tonight, very potent cx, we will see if they are as potent as I think, clearer and strengthened my auric field. Very interesting. By bedtime, I am totally over the K thing and actually grateful that she empowered me in this way. Maybe I can do this.
September 4, 2010 – I see the light. I see my path, my journey, divine messages coming, and I am talking about it. I feel excited about it. I can barely stand on my legs they are so weak. So fragile. So weak. R flank pain reminiscent of appendix pain. R bicep tendon killing me! Sharp pain running down my arm, tendon like a rope.
September 5, 2010 – so tired, slept until 11am, but really tired and irritable. Ankles burning and weak. This is day 3 of slow digestion; need to get it moving better. C5 constantly popping again, really bugging me and frightens me too. R hand thumb and 2nd and 3rd finger killing me. Have been splinting fingers from time to time because they are so fragile and painful. Flexed feet today, like an involuntary stretch and now my ankles are burning like crazy. R wrist hurts, a painful day.
September 6, 2010 – Nerves really frazzled today. Pain and weakness in my ankles is extreme. Easy over stimulated today, especially visually. Electronics bug me, phones, TV, computer. Vibrating inside.
September 7, 2010 – Didn’t sleep well last night, hardly at all. H202 today. Went in really slow and burned the whole time. I felt generally unwell while at Revolutions, and did not like it at all. Raithel decided a b-12 + B complex injection would b helpful, and since I am used to b-12 shots, I agreed. She attempted to inject into my R arm, and OMG, the pain was excruciating. She had to stop. I thought maybe it was because my R arm has been so tender and painful. She decided to wait until my h202 was done, then try to get the rest into my hip. I let her. When the fine needle went in, I screamed a primal scream I have never heard come from me before, the pain was so intense and abnormal. Clearly, my muscles are sensitive in a way that is not normal. A clue? Anyway, I screamed and cried, actually sobbed until the lidocaine she added finally kicked in. There is no logic to the way I responded. It was embarrassing and I felt bad for Raithel, she really hurt me bad, but it wasn’t her fault. I cried the whole way home, just exhausted and sad in general. Took care of myself tonight, heat is soothing, really helps the pain although not the weakness. Soaked my R arm in heat for hours to get the swelling from b-12 to go down. Couldn’t even move my R arm most of the day. R hip pain didn’t get as bad as I anticipated.
September 8, 2010 –
Could our DNA be reactivating from within us as if it were programmed to do so at this time?
We are walking whirlwinds of stardust memories, beings of fire, windows of light.
Maybe we are the eyes of god opening again on earth.
Slept better last night, woke up feeling less pain that the excruciating pain I went to bed with. My R arm feels a lot better; R hip doesn’t hurt at all where I got the b12 shot. I have a little energy and tidy up the house, but avoid the phone which seems to really wipe me out and degenerate my thinking. I spent time typing my journal into the computer (this journal), which was more productive than I anticipated. Mustering up more courage to love myself the way I was taught not to do, the right way. Heat soothes the pain the most, like a heating pad wrapped around my feet and ankles. Interesting observation, when I apply heat, the most painful areas get the hottest or are most sensitive to the heat. Is the pain and heat just sensitivity?
How did the rose ever open its heart
And give to the world all its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being
Otherwise we all remain too frightened.
September 9, 2010 – Headache. Slept less than I need but feel OK, which is a welcome surprise. R ankle extremely fragile and painful to the slightest weight. Had Meyers today, went in 20 minutes. I tasted it! Finally! A clue that he h202 is really making something move. Researching hyperbaric oxygen chambers. 20 min in sun today and visited with Callie. Rode to school to pick up my son, my first time on campus since last school year, very strange. Lots of people came to the car, hugs, felt ok, was happy to see people. I was less overwhelmed than I anticipated and later my daughter screamed in my ear for 5 minutes when my husband bumped her head, and I handled that too. Maybe my CNS is getting stronger or at least adjusting to its new status.
September 10, 2010 – didn’t sleep in again, up at 7am, bummer. Grumpy but not as bad as I would have thought for so little sleep. Stayed up late last night watching Falun Dafa video, fascinating. This theme of prehistoric civilizations and the shifts to come in the next couple of years keeps repeating itself. I managed some laundry and dishes, and some desk work. I have a meeting here this afternoon with my contractor, I hope it goes well. I am already pretty tired and we have chiro appts later today. Speaking of Falun Dafa, he refers to Karma as black matter. I have intuited black matter in my pelvis and in my lower leg areas. This concerns me in that I have not yet cleared Karma with my YM practice, nor have other practitioners. Are we all missing something? Why, if it is so impactful? I know this. Must balance Dur and karma. Dur increase gong. Upped my dose to 4 homoepathy per dose. After appt with network chiropractor, my feet were the most swollen they have ever been, she said that means the energy is re-inhabiting the area, and that while it is most likely a good thing, it may cause the body to dump a lot of toxins all at once. She said my system is very chemical still, and very fragile, that I could slip back to the worse very easily if I over do it. She recommended that I take GABA by Thorne industries. Makes sense when you research Cipro Toxicity. Will talk to Raithel about it.
September 11, 2010 – well, I used heat for several hours last night to reduce the swelling and stagnation in my feet. Slept a long time, although not all the way through. Can honestly say that the mobility is a little easier today, not quite as fragile, not quite as painful. Shower made me really tired, but I did manage to stay in and upright long enough to shave my legs. Tolerated 10 minutes in the sun, too hot today. Handled a long and meaningful talk with JV, settled disputes with the kids, opened mail, did a little laundry and even picked up some toys from the chair. Now I’m pooped, but encouraged by what looks like an improvement in my stamina. R calf cold and tingly feeling. Stayed up in my chair most of the day and night, feeling a lot of pressure down there, hope tomorrow I don’t get worse.
September 12, 2010 – Well I’m much worse today, but not in the way I suspected I might be. My legs are the same as yesterday, which is still encouraging, but my CNS is very fragile. First of all, I tossed and turned all night…again. And I have definitely noticed a direct relationship between my wellness and sleep. Sound for the first 2/3 of this day has been very difficult. TV not oK today. Phone not ok, could only do Falun Dafa video for about 20 minutes before I felt nauseas. Vibrating inside again, all the same CNS stuff. Very emotional. Feeling overwhelmed with sadness, unloved, unsupported. Those feelings bring on my hopelessness, they are my triggers. R Leg burns today. Used heat on back of neck and head for the first time, was interesting to see my CNS respond to that. CNS stimulated by whatever that heat released, but ultimately, resolved the intensity of the CNS condition. Just before bed, L ankle really painful, wonder if upping the HomeoCipro dose is a good or bad thing.
September 13, 2010 – woke up painful R shoulder, wrist and ankle. Slept short time but deeper than the night before, and feel better waking up than yesterday. Definitely calling into question karma vs. negative cellular impact of information, I think Yuen is right, the thoughts and information weaken me. Could it be as simple as letting go of the negative thinking all together? Ditching Falun Dafa stuff, it is really powerful, but Master Li is sooooo negative, and kind of cultish. Considering acupuncture. H202 helps, but effects fade quickly, what am I missing? Went online looking for more answers, need to NOT do that, there is so much negativity, there is that word again, and it really weakens me. My MIL broke her hip last night when visiting us. My husband has a heavy load. The information isn’t out there, it is IN here.
September 14, 2010 – slept well, but not enough. JB took me for h202 today, went well. Pain almost immediately improved, still concerned that the positive results do not seem to last (story of my life?). Got the green light for alpha lipoic acid 200 mg per day from Raithel, a no go on the GABA, and she claims I am getting adequate magnesium in the Meyers. JB shared an emotional processing technique with me today, helped bring some clarity to the other aspect of my journey. I didn’t get to be “beautiful”. Although the pain is improved, the weakness still exists. Several hours after h202, I feel tingly and vibrating on the inside, it is uncomfortable. A little constricted in breathing. Light headed. Woozy. Eyes burning. Fingers r hand hurt. Weakness in hands. Tendon in neck constantly popping again. Don’t feel well. Dr. R’s office told me I needed to eat complex carbs and protein, but I already did that. Feeling discouraged, but Dr. R says I’m improving weekly. Maybe I just don’t see it.
September 15, 2010 – did not sleep at all, that buzzing and restlessness took over. Woke up got dizzy and light headed shortly after arising. Reducing Homeopathy to three pellets per dose, maybe my dose was too high. R shoulder getting worse. Neuro stuff today, brain squeeze, mental fog, numbness L calf, tingling R calf. Neck tendon popping. Numbness R calf, then peripheral neuropathic symptoms, twitching pain, going up r leg into thigh and hip in the evening, very alarming since these sensations have not been in these areas before today. Am I getting worse? Extreme pain in r foot and ankle today, needed ice to calm it down. Elevated legs against the wall today.
September 16, 2010 – did not take Homeopathy or ALA today, too scared. Very emotional today. R leg aching when I awoke after another crappy night of not sleeping. After Meyers, feet swollen and nauseous. Should I consider swollen feet a good thing? Confirmed with Dr. R and Dr. L that the time has come to discontinue Homeopathy. Done. Took long sweaty soak in bath after YM teleseminar. Felt better after seminar, pain was lessened and mind was clearer, mood improved. Took ALA with dinner. I scheduled a color puncture session with Dr. Larrow for Monday.
September 17, 2010 – slept 5 hours deeply, woke up dizzy and woozy, laid in bed for several hours not wanting to anger it. Pain not too bad this morning, a little checked out mentally. Appetite strange lately, like I get hungry but don’t really feel like eating. That’s a new one. I noticed very painful fingers in R hand this morning, including all fingers, which is new. Legs were comfortable while I slept last night. R shoulder creaks and pops a lot. My husband is researching floatation tank therapy. Eating made me nauseas this morning, then felt horrible the rest of the day. Totally nauseas and tired beyond anything. Raging headache. Healing crisis? So exhausted since I woke up, every movement hurts my head, and some abdominal pain too. Walked a bit too much today, ankles sore by bedtime. All day I kept thinking that I would not walk another step, but then I did.
September 18, 2010 – slept about 9 hours, felt good, I really needed it. Pain manageable today, did a lot of chores this morning and made breakfast for the kids when my husband went to the hospital to see his mother. After chores, rested for an hour on my bed with legs elevated, they were swollen, then showered and we went out for a burger. Earache and headache again today, guess its sinuses. Watched a movie and that was it, nothing incredible or new today. Good.
September 19, 2010 – slept 9 hours last night, could have slept more, but I’m ok. Head stuffy. Ears stuffy. The balls of my feet under my longest toe (near the big toe) is super tender when I walk on it, has it been this way the whole time? Both feet feel like that and it has been going on for three days that I am aware of. I never know if something is new or if I have just regained sensation in that area. I am starting to really see how long this journey will be, I am on a big long journey, and as long as it may take physically, it may take even longer emotionally and spiritually. Fear, negativity, unconditional love, power. All big ones, and all need to be tackled. Day ended uneventful.
September 20, 2010 – slept about 6 hours, not enough, but managed just the same, which is refreshing, legs feel stronger, more stable less painful this morning. When I don’t think about it, I stand longer than I should, NS took me to dr today, started with color puncture. OMG. Yellow light, first touch (liver and gallbladder) sensations permeating my skull and feet at the same time. CRAZY. Wonderful, mesmerizing. Twitching in L fingers almost comical. Also had violet light, felt like a blanket wrapped around my soul. Then had h202 and tasted the b vitamins for the first time. Very strong flavor lasted most of the day. Dr L administered today since Dr. R is on vacation. I’m feeling alone a lot, my husband is losing his patience.
September 21, 2010 – raging headache today, legs a bit weaker and ankles a little sore. A little more fragile and tender and tired. Slept a good 10 hours. Feel wiped out from yesterday? Had Meyers today, took it a little slower but still tasting it. Did YM seminar on structure tonight and also got cx from YM CP Tai Njio today, which were potent. Headache never went away today. Canceled appt with neurologist for tomorrow, what is the point? UCD never called to schedule any of the tests, NCS or MRI or US. What a joke.
September 22, 2010 – laid in bed today, ankles, and knees feet a bit sore, not like they used to be, but worse than these past few days that were good. Used heat again last night, and it felt soothing. Took a really long Epsom bath today, stayed in for an hour, sweat the whole time, legs up against the wall after. Sinuses still stuffy and ears stuffy too, although Larrow looked at them Monday and said they were clear. Mostly listened to YM recordings and did a little reading today. Talked to Sharon for a long time, then felt wiped out. I think my husband gets mad when I talk on the phone a long time and I wear myself out. 20 minutes of sun today. Headache better today, used the headache salve last night and I was surprised that it worked. Tension headache? Sinus? Both? Right now I am clean and dry and that feels good. The little things that make a person happy. Kids are getting stuffy noses. Hope I don’t get a cold. Not sure how that would be right now. I know my daughter just started preschool and this is when it happens…sick for three years. Cleaning all the crystals and minerals tonight in the full moon/equinox.
September 23, 2010 – I miss my women. Full moon was tonight and I missed it. I’m so sad. I woke up thrashed this morning. Pain, so much pain in ankles, feet, knees. When will it end? I was so exhausted that I got so winded walking out to the car, I almost fainted. Chest feels tight. Pulse ox ok when I went to Dr. L for h202, it went in really slow and I didn’t taste it. What gives? So frustrated. I feel alternately defeated and inspired. Pain improved slightly by bed time.
September 24, 2010 – r shoulder sore, bumped into my husband’s dresser, flask fell on my head…bump. L ankle very tender. Unstable on my feet. Pain. Emotional pain too, more than I care to write about. I have to get better. Soon. This sucks. Skin breaking out (toxic or detoxifying?). digestion still slow. missed YM seminar last night. Bummed. Housekeeper here today, house is soooo dirty. Kids are getting sick and the house is filthy, dust and hair everywhere. Makes me feel so frustrated to not properly care for the kids. I do what I can, but I can’t vacuum. I struggle as it is just to get the laundry done. If I get it washed, dried and folded, I feel accomplished, but then it just sits there for an indefinite amount of time, staring at me. My unfinished work, staring at me. Staring at me for days on end. It sucks. This sucks. My husband is unhappy. Today sucks, and its only 10am. I hope it gets better. Went to chiro, she said pain in bottoms of feet were misplaced metatarsal bones, adjusted them, but pain persists.
September 25, 2010 – feet really swollen today, almost numbingly swollen, yet achy and uncomfortable, r shoulder very sore and weak. Moody. Depressed. Feeling alone.
September 29, 2010 – haven’t much to report these last few days, feeling more balanced in the leg arena, getting acne, feet have been swollen when I stay upright for a while. Had h202 yesterday and today, for the first time had h202 and Meyers together, felt really dizzy and nauseas after, but I had to take it fast because of the schedule. Been doing baths everyday and just trucking along. Body throbbing at night from the waist up, disturbing.
September 30, 2010 – did not sleep last night, low grade fever today, head throbbing. Legs continue to get stronger. Dizzy. Nauseas. Late for my period. Stuffy head, sore back all day.
October 1, 2010 – had an h202 today, DR. R is back today, she changed it to have glucose in the bag. I felt really nauseas and dizzy on the way home, really sick. Tired.
October 2, 2010 – big day today, my husband’s birthday, piano, baked a cake last night, surprised him, and went to visit MIL this evening, then dinner then a movie to celebrate. Too much, way too much. Shortly into the movie, feet and legs really hurt. Had to elevate them. Wiped out. Started menstruating today, several days late.
October 3, 2010 – tried to take it easy today. Elevated legs, bathed. Easy. Watched a movie. No self improvement today, just veggin’ out. Got my period yesterday. Normal. R hand weak and painful.
October 4, 2010 – trying to take it easy again. Worked. I’m so behind. Bath, elevate legs, standing a little longer than usual. Digestion slow today. R hand weak and painful.
October 5, 2010 – had breakfast out with JB and JV, nice. Went to Dr. R for h202. Exhausted. After h202 really sick in car again. Glucose? Nauseas and dizzy for rest of day. Bath, elevate. Walking a lot more today, feeling the strain now in both heels and lower calves. R hand weak and painful. Felt sick, starting crying. Cried for a really long time. Detox? Feeling lonely, afraid my husband doesn’t like me.
October 6, 2010 – itchy spot for last three weeks, thought it was from the baths but just read about how peripheral neuropathy can cause it. Stayed in bed most of the day with feet elevated. Watched movies, another day not for personal growth. I hate the FDA and the USG.
October 7, 2010 – slept decent the last two nights, thankfully. I have a lot of paperwork to do, but I’ve been putting it off. L knee really weak, R shoulder really painful, weakness in R hand persists and of course, still can’t walk. Headaches seemed to have mildly improved, been sad lately. I am fearful that my condition may persists and worsen or spread. The fear is coming back. The demon is winning today. Going for h202 today. I’ve been slacking a bit on the supplements, just don’t care as much anymore, or maybe I just don’t need them as much. Using three essential oils a day for about a week now, was just using Valor under my feet before, now using Awaken on my neck and temples by day, and Thieves in the mouth often, but I was told to use on neck and temples at night. Metatarsal bones still misplaced and painful when I stand on them, really hoping Dr. Dina DC can resolve it. Physical therapy never called me back. I hate UCDMC too, did I already say that? I also hate that I hate. After h202 I binged big time, was starving. She took the glucose out this time, which meant I didn’t get as sick, but felt starved. Felt like have to burp all day since h202. This evening, put my kegs up on wall, like always, but tonight, got throbbing in abdomen then weird slow heart beat for a minute, really slow and powerful feeling, then my lungs felt squeezed. Head started hurting and ear got plugged up after that too. Scary.
October 8, 2010 – yesterday was my 4th h202 in two weeks, I feel terrible. Is this good detox terrible, or you went too far and now you are going to pay terrible? I tried to play piano yesterday which made me realize that the reason I don’t complain too much about my L hand is because it is mostly numb and dysfunctional. L shoulder hurts really bad today does that mean it hurt all along but now I have feeling there? Or does it mean the tendon apathy spread to the l shoulder now? What? Tired. So very very tired. Took very hot very salty bath. Cried. Felt fragile mentally like I might get crazy again. Scary. Discouraged. Scared. Weak. Tired. Pain. I’m so sick of this and so mad at myself for losing the momentum. Is it my fault? Would this happen no matter what? When will it change? Will it change? So tired, laid down. Let my daughter watch a little TV just so I could rest my eyes. Legs are a bit weak and painful in ankles. That again? I thought I was past that. Neck keeps creaking along with both knees and both shoulders. Am I getting arthritis? Will I ever stop degenerating? I called the Dr. to see what her thoughts were; I was told she would get back to me. Saw Dr. Dina tonight, she was more aggressive than lately, she said she dug in to release some toxins in my muscles. Is that good? Can I handle more toxins floating around? Is this too much? Cried at Dina’s on the table. My husband bought me some Weleda Arnica Oil today, so I slathered it on tonight. I want a massage. I am just sore all over my body. My back hurts now all the time. I kind of wondered when that might start happening. I hate the internet. I feel so negative now that I went poking around on it again. I am sad. I miss the comfort of knowing that I can do it if I want to. I feel robbed. I’m depressed. Gotta snap out of it. Called UCD for physical therapy since they never called me back, made an appt for next week.
October 9, 2010 – am I getting worse? Both shoulders painful today, fingers on both hands painful, legs feels hot flashes and achy and sore. I thought I was over that part, the pain part. Does this mean the peripheral neuropathy is getting worse or getting better? How do I know? Feeling fragile. Itchy. Tired. Low stamina for concentration or company. Eyes are crusty again, like they were a month ago. Sense of smell still off, weak. Really, my feet and calves just hurt again and after a few weeks without significant pain, this is really depressing. My fingernails are really strong and long again. I smell like a multivitamin. I will say that my hands are steadier than they used to be. They used to shake and tremble constantly. Maybe that is the positive thing for me to focus on today. My neck is stiff and sore. My teeth hurt. Still have rash on arm. Feeling a little forgetful on the short term stuff. Legs are weaker and more unsteady today. My doctor never called me back yesterday. Salt bath, sun bath and legs on wall. The usual. Two steps forward, one step back? I hope so. I have to believe it, because it really feels like two steps forward, ten steps back, but I might not have the clearest judgment on this. My shoulders keeping popping, cracking, snapping, and creaking. It is driving me crazy. Preoccupying my thoughts and evoking fear. That fear is really coming back and it is totally freaking me out. Everything I thought I knew feels wrong today. I am really tired of this. I know I need to stay positive. I know I need to find a way to be OK with my situation, whatever it is. I get caught up sometimes in believing that if I accept this condition, I give it permission to remain. I know that is not true, but I struggle with it anyway.
October 10, 2010 – day started out ok, spent day with family and Hurd at William Land Park and had an early dinner at Chicago Fire. Came home, felt really weak and sore in legs and feet especially ankles. Started to fall asleep and felt like my throat was constricting, panic set in. then could not feel my heart beating or my lungs breathing.; more panic. Afraid to fall asleep. Afraid to die. Can’t feel my heart or my lungs. Are they numb? So scared to fall asleep. Convulsions. Spasms. Fear. Shoulders rendering useless. Uncomfortable. Can’t lie on my side anymore because of shoulder pain. Back hurts. The absence of pain the void where something should be, is scary too. Twitching in thighs.
October 11, 2010 – this is all so familiar. I thought I was over this part, that is was behind me. I’m so thrashed. Crying. Overwhelmed. Afraid. Am I dying? My kids are here with me, my husband is gone, this isn’t right. I might die. My heart might stop. My lungs might stop. I’m so messed up. When will end? I’m so scared. I called UCD to get my follow up with that neurologist, he is not available until December or January, but I was offered an appointment with “the walrus” as we like to call him. Of course I declined that appointment and asked for Goldenholtz, he is a stubborn little guy but he is really smart and I think he has the determination to make a good diagnosis, at least that is what I hope. The receptionist mentioned that she could ask his office if he wanted to see me himself or pass me to another neurologist, I asked them to do just that. Found out UCD doesn’t have my correct phone number in the system which may be why I have never heard from anyone in that system for NCS or Ultrasound, MRI, appointments, anything! Called physical therapy, they said the referral came from Wong, the bitch. They said since I am a cash payer, I should go somewhere else, because they are so expensive. Dr M’s office called today, a random follow up. I told her I never scheduled an appt with him because of financial choices, I told her what I have been doing, she said she is scared for me. IV therapy is dangerous. She says she wants me to talk to M for free just to talk to him. Scheduled an appt. for later this week. Then, to my great surprise, my phone rings and it Dr. G, calling me from home. He said he saw an email that I had called; he remembered me and wanted to check in. He began with falsely remembering that when I left the hospital I was walking fine and almost back to normal. That was not true, when I left the hospital I could barely stand up without assistance and was sent home with a wheelchair. He also falsely remembered that my tendons showed no sign of dysfunction and that I was a little weak in the left leg. He reviewed my test results, they were all completely normal, except AHA was slightly elevated, which he says is not relevant at this time. He also mentioned a slight degeneration of L5 which I had not been told about previously and he said is normal for my age. I reminded him of how we left things and that he was to order tests and that I just discovered my number was falsely entered into the computer. We entered into the Cipro conversation since all tests were normal; he falsely remembered that my husband gave him a printout from the FDA which did not in any way relate to my case. I said that wasn’t true and he decided to go online to the FDA website while we talked on the phone, when he read the info about tendons, he seemed unimpressed and then I asked him to read about peripheral neuropathy, which he said did not exist. Then he found the peripheral neuropathy and I asked him if he would now consider that as my diagnosis. He said, “MAYBE Cipro did this. It might be something else. We need to keep our minds open.” He said in order for him to diagnose Cipro toxicity, he needs evidence in the form of test results showing nerve damage and tendon problems. He said I have two choices, he can order the rests again and I can do them outpatient or I can go back to the hospital and he will admit me, but he will not be my doctor since he is “off” right now. He also said the only sources of information he considers legitimate are the FDA, CDC, and Medical Journals. I don’t consider any of those sources to be legitimate. Hmmmm. He also mentioned to be that doctors don’t know everything, in fact they know very little, and that they know the least about toxicity. He said toxicologists don’t even really understand toxicity. He also reminded me that the female doctor I kind of liked at the hospital was Bateman. I told him to order the tests outpatient. Rest of the day went as expected. Twitching. Emotional. Crying. Is this going to get worse? Am I going to wish for death? I can see wanting to die. But I want to live, to be healthy, to feel good. I want to feel good. Twitching in middle back, used heat on legs, ankles, feet, shoulders. Was soothing and I slept more comfortably although not too much because of children having nightmares.
October 12, 2010 – had second appt with Dr Yuen this morning. I should have saved the thousands of dollars I have been spending on supplements and IV bags. I should have called him only. In my 30 minutes session he identified numerous weaknesses and corrected them. After appt I could feel and flex with strength all of my muscles. I am able to walk from one end of the house to the other without pain. My mental outlook is brighter and I feel more energized. How many thousands of dollars have I spent on hospital? I don’t want to think about it. Dr Yuen notes weaknesses:
To the medical profession 1000%+, all people trying to cure me actually weaken me by bringing my mind into my body, trying to strengthen or enhance my spirit weakens me and the spirit is slow where I want my body to be fast (DKY says do not turn to spirituality for healing, it slows you down and weakens your body), physical fitness (strength, endurance, flexibility, coordination, agility and speed) in all combinations and separately are all weak, physical intelligence weakened by mental intelligence, cellular intelligence less than 10%, physical structure weak, brain and CNS to feet less than 5%, weak left to right and in to out, bones in legs, hips and spine are 10,000x more relaxed than tense, everything coming from the outside effects me, lymphatic drainage has become weakened from lying around so much accumulating parasites, bacteria, yeast, etc., overwhelmed by my thinking experiences about my future – that I will struggle more in the future because of my present, weakened by fighting – internally everything is fighting cells, atoms, systems etc as a reflection of external fighting experiences that weaken me such as family, women to women, society, war, children fighting, and anything to do with animals and humans fighting with each other – weaken=s structure to cells, also, my mind weakens my dog as do all human minds weaken animals. That’s all I can remember from our session, but there was more.
He reminds me that we are here for a human experience, which needs a body, so a physical experience. We do not want a slow spiritual experience while we are here; we want an optimized physical experience. That is why we are here. He reminds me that anything is possible and that illness is unnecessary. Dr M also called me this morning, he says secondary effects are long lasting, I’m not toxic anymore, the toxins are gone, deal with anecdote based on symptoms, Homeopathy works but does should be adjusted and specifically reduced, also need remedy that matches the symptoms, and a weakness to drugs needs to be repaired. Says I am really sensitive to toxins, and that can be changed with a constitutional treatment and the. He is an expert in adverse reactions to medications. Has he ever worked with a Cipro toxic person? Adverse reactions do not mean you are toxic. Secondary reactions are dangerous and long lasting and can happen after one pill. No drug in the body left. For paralysis, start with Homeopathy, but since adverse, would minute the dose, it is electromagnetic field, need to weaken. If that doesn’t work, you may need something else. Homeopathy is safe. And he thinks my condition is reversible. He feels very passionate. Says I took Homeopathy too long at five weeks. Needs an hour and half on phone, after client info, gather medical records to original problem UTI. Dr R still hasn’t called me back since my message to her about my demise last Friday.
October 13, 2010 – I do not feel as good as I did after my appt with Yuen yesterday, but better than before the appt. I did walk around a lot yesterday, feeling new muscles and I got really weak and tired as might have been expected. I elevated legs a long time on the wall before bed to bring the ankle swelling down. R shoulder more painful than yesterday but still better than the day before. Dr R still has not called me back. Sat up for a bit today, most of the day, paying bills, meeting with contractors, riding in the car, my feet really started swell.
October 14, 2010 – went to bed last night with some pain and swelling. Slept about 8 hours, although not deeply. Felt a lot better this morning in legs, less painful. Found myself sleeping more comfortably on my side with less shoulder pain. Even woke up once with my arm above my head and no pain. Walking more upright today, still tender in r ankle. Balance improved. knees feeling more solid. Mentally a little frazzled. Called Raithels office and asked how I should interpret not getting a call back after six days of leaving a message reporting worsening of symptoms, illness and fear? I was told Dr. R would call me back soon. She did. She said she sent me an email. I never got an email, and I check spam regularly. She said she would send it again, she did, it went to spam. Anyway… she confirms the worsening of symptoms is the detox process, I didn’t bother to tell her that I am no longer toxic according to Dr. M. She suggested skipping this week and coming Tuesday for h202, slowing down the detox for my comfort. Fine. I also got a call today from UCD nerve study center. I guess having the right phone number changes some stuff. Did anyone consider looking at ANY of my paperwork for a RIGHT number? How many times did I have to write down my contact info? ANYWAY, the appointment will be December 1, 2010. I love the urgency. Hopefully I will have recovered by then and won’t need it. Encouraged by my physical condition, discouraged by mental state and fragility. Interesting note, after Yuen apt a couple days ago, I thought I was using new muscles and they were sore after being used for the first time in a long while, now, with pain in my gluts, realizing that maybe they are being used, or maybe, they were being used, but I could not feel them until YM Corrections. By butt really hurts, of course I have been lying in bed propped up with pillows and legs elevates (all the pressure on my ass) for months, or sitting up in a wheelchair. The only time pressure is not entirely on my butt is when I am sleeping. Would I rather be numb? This sucks!
October 15, 2010 – I slept 10 hours last night. I woke up several times in the morning and noticed a lot of pain in my finger joints, so I just kept going back to sleep. When I finally decide to rise, it was 10am. I walked to the bathroom, as in WALKED. I did not hobble. Definitely my gait is a bit off, and I have all kinds of strange sensations in my lower legs, but not pain. NOT PAIN. I ended up not using my chair today until dinner time. I walked all around, promising myself that at the first sign of pain or overdoing it, I would stop. I ended up in the wheelchair only because I am tired. I wore myself out. Not moving for so long has taken a big toll on me. I wonder what total rehab will require? After about 30 minutes of being awake, the pain in my fingers got a lot better. I scheduled another appointment with Dr. Yuen for next Tuesday. I probably did ten laps around the house today, and at one point, I got something off a high shelf for my daughter, she looked shocked. Honestly, I was shocked too. Four days ago if I had attempted to stand erect and lift an arm over my head, I would have been in excruciating pain or I would have fallen down, in fact I would not have even tried it.
October 19, 2010 – I’m totally bummed. Somehow, the last three days of my journal disappeared. I can’t remember every detail, but I’ll do my best. Basically, after feeling so fantastic, I ended up waking the next day with so much pain in all my finger joints, and the next morning after that was the same as well. The pain was unusually bad. I felt really discouraged. Been having blurry and double vision and my shoulder join has been popping loudly with every movement. I also had a lot of pain in my r ankle, and both shoulders, especially the R, so I took it easy for a day. L knee did that buckling backwards thing, first time on that side. I became emotionally overwhelmed. The last few nights my sleep has been restless, a lot of tossing and turning. I think it was yesterday that I noticed feeling pretty good and remembered that this process is really two steps forward and one step back. So, a couple of days ago, I was taking a step back. And now, considering I have not used my chair at all today, not at all, I’d say I’m moving forward again. Today started with a disappointment. I was looking forward to my appt with Dr Yuen this morning, but the time came and went, and he never answered the phone. I left messages and no one has called me back. Hmmmm. Ended up back to Ratite’s for my first time in over a week, I think the break was good. She and I were on the same page, thinking that giving my body a little space to self correct seems appropriate right now. She is really supportive of my use of YM. She mentioned that feeling pain is a precursor to an improvement. So I had h202, took an hour, didn’t feel sick after and didn’t hurt. Tasted it. Good. I had some diarrhea as soon as I got home, which is weird because I don’t get that very often or very easily. Hmmmm. I’ll let her know, she asked me to email her tomorrow. She also apologized for the email snafu last week. I did not use a wheelchair today. After dinner, talked to a dear friend and felt extremely criticized and judged and misunderstood by her. My feelings were really hurt, and I felt overwhelmed with emotional pain. Had to hang up abruptly with apologies. Was it her? Was it me? Am I hyper-sensitive? Was she rude and presumptive? Yuck.
October 20, 2010 -Last night I didn’t get enough sleep. First of all, my dog went outside around 1am and got herself stuck in a hole my son dug yesterday. She let us know by wailing until we came to her rescue. Once I realized it was her making that awful noise, I panicked, thinking her neck had finally broke, and hobbled very quickly outside, on the deck, down the steps and onto the lawn. Came back inside really feeling the pain of that careless movement and uneven ground. Ouch. Then I was startled awake this morning and I added more strain to my R shoulder. Ouch. Had an appointment with Dr. Yuen this morning. The focus was on my psychotic spiritual experiences from 500 years ago, ancestors, current attraction of psychotic people, psychotic physical reminder to eliminate my psychotic non physical experiences. I could go into more detail, but I’m tired. He also mentioned my carrying heavy load on my shoulders, making the sensations even all around my body, inside, outside, etc, typical YM cx, and they did seem to work. If I had to describe the way I feel right after, I would say that I feel lightened up, levity. Do not sense that ever present past life burden. Physically, pain in R shoulder improved by at least 50%. Anticipating to feel more physical changes over the next few days as it often works for me with YM cx. I will continue to report as I become aware of more, the appointment just happened an hour ago.
October 21, 2010 – Last night I slept like a rock. Don’t even remember rolling over. Was it the YM cx? R shoulder at least 50% improved since yesterday, but still painful. Appetite up today. Haven’t used my wheelchair yet today (its late afternoon), but anticipating it for the evening because I’m a bit tired after such an active afternoon. Stamina better today, have put away a tons of laundry, had a meeting at the house this morning, too. I even took a salt bath, organized the bathroom for the big event (dog gets first bath in 5 months), gave the old dog a bath, rested legs against the wall for about 20 minutes, then took a shower! For a normal person, that doesn’t sound like much of anything, but for me, I may as well have ran a marathon. I’m feeling encouraged by this. Pain in r ankle still present, but bearable. Noticing tension in R hip and lower back, but it may be from picking up the dog and putting her in and out of the tub. The fact I gave her a bath feels like a real victory, but bending over and picking her up is something I could not have imagined doing just 10 days ago. I wondered if she would ever get a bath! Another thing, I accidently stepped on a little toy ball today and it totally hurt but did not disable me. When I consider that a couple of weeks ago I may have fallen over if I stepped on an uneven surface, this is big. Something to note from yesterday was that my right eye got so blurry last night I thought I could actually go blind, kind of freaked me out. I don’t wear glasses, and I’m not sure they would help anyway since the vision problems seem to come and go and change with the wind. My ex-neighbor stopped by today, reminded me of the Chi Machine. My mom has one, I’ll look into it. I’d like to stimulate my liver. Been taking liver detox tincture for a week, but inconsistently, need to do it three times a day.
October 22, 2010 -My legs were so restless last night, not the best sleep, but sleep none the less. Legs are tired of being propped up on pillows, time to move more. Pain when moving still majorly improved. I wonder if I gave up the wheelchair if I would regress? Don’t want to make the tendons mad, better keep the chair. Really hungry again today. Lots of busy work today, but managed well. Tired now. Fingers r hand sore again. R shoulder gave me trouble for a few minutes today, but mostly did pretty good. I used the chair a bit more today to give the ankles a rest, but the shoulder didn’t mind. Good. Vision a but blurry, will have dr. Yuen work on it next time. Too tired to write tonight.
October 24, 2010 -Emotional these past couple of days. I did something stupid last night and now today I am paying for it with increased pain. For me the cycle is Pain ? Negativity ? Fear ? Panic ? More Pain ? Depression. Now my body feels weak, like I’m getting ill. I cry very easily. Am I PMS? Who knows, my cycle is a mess. Last night I heard a loud pop in my right shoulder and one of the tight little ropes was gone and the pain was relieved. Did I rupture something? Tear something? When will I consider myself immune to regression? When will I release the fear? I know I am just down in the dumps, that I’m still recovering, but I can’t believe how easily I get discouraged. I don’t want to go to the hospital again, but what if I ruptured something small? I just feel like crap today. Painful r shoulder, sensitive joints, weak and tired, but I did not use the chair today, not once. Gotta keep my eye on the positive!
October 25, 2010 – Well I had my second color puncture today, large intestine/lung, used yellow and red and OMG! Afterwards, when I stood up, I felt my feet on the ground in a way I had not felt in months, plus I felt really good. Great actually. The red was my favorite. She read the indications to me and I could only think that nothing could be more right on the money. So Dr. Larrow did the colorpuncture, I actually love her, and then I moved into the IV room for my h202 and Raithel noticed how happy I looked and I told her I felt like I had taken a qualude. I’ve never actually taken a qualude, but I felt like it looks it the movies. Its been a long time since I felt that good. The goodness is lasting too. More colorpuncture next week. Raithel, who for good measure, I should also mention that I love, examined my r shoulder since I heard the loud POP the other night. I am still weight bearing, but she said I tore my rotator cuff. I think that probably happened several week ago however, maybe longer. R eye feels numb and unfocused. Makes me angry. I get sick if I have to look at something too close. No wheelchair today.
October 26, 2010 – Spent the whole day working on my website. Such a distraction. Did not touch my chair today. Had a visit with my brother from SB, nice to see him. Walked on the lawn today, DID NOT HURT. DID NOT LOSE MY BALANCE. NO PAIN. Noticed some CNS sensitivity and blurry vision by evening time, but I did spend every waking minute in front of my computer – TOXIC!. Woke up in middle of night, used R arm to push myself up – OUCH- tearing feeling in rotator cuff. Making it worse, need to be careful.
October 27, 2010 – I finally sent a letter today, to everyone I know, sharing a bit of my story and warning them. Practice what you preach, right? That damn letter has been haunting me. If I send it, people will know things about me, private things, but if I don’t send it, someone else might get hurt. Doing pretty good on my feet today, R shoulder is torn up, not using it at all. Biggest complaint today… my eyes. My eyes feel so weird. My r eyeball gets numb, both eyeballs wander. can’t focus up close, can’t focus far away, they feel strained. I feel robbed. Don’t wan’t to see an eye doctor becaus emy eyes are different from day to day. Because it isn’t my eyes, its my brain.
October 28, 2010 – I know I am getting better. My daughter spiked a fever last night, and had a difficult night sleeping. I got up with her all night and it didn’t destroy me….yet. LOL. Spoke with an old friend last night, actually, two. The few hours I slept, I slept deeply. My eyes bothering me this morning. Woke up thinking about my website. It is scary having it up, I feel so exposed. Last night when I was falling asleep my eyes actually made that difficult because they move and open on their own, also, they are so uncomfortable. Is it nerve damage? Sinuses? I hate not knowing. CNS abnormalities are so mysterious. Mom brought the Chi machine Eric recommended. I will try it if I can figure out how to be comfortable.
November 2, 2010 – This is the longest I have gone without an entry. I have been totally engrossed with getting my website up. It has been up for five days or so. Its more work than I thought. My ideas about it keep growing. There are so many people who are without hope or direction, it kills me. Anyway, it is obvious I think, that I am getting better. Its not just that I am distracted by this website project, its real. First of all, have not used the wheelchair since October 23, 2010, the last appt I had with Yuen. That is 10 days. I’m not walking the way normal people walk, BUT I’m walking wherever, rest when I need to, and not paying for it with swelling, pain, throbbing, etc. I will say this, I do get tired very easily. Is that because I’m getting better and using my body more? Or is that because I am still so sick? Hmmmm. This past week has been crazy. daughter sick for 5 days and nights, no sleep for any of us. Halloween was going to be my social debut, a thing at the school and then a small gathering of friends. I was excited and thought I could handle it, but my girl was sick, so I stayed home. I did go out of the house for a meeting at school, wiped me out (oh yeah, i took the chair to the meeting because it was a long walk from the parking lot to the school room) and the eye thing happened. The two things bothering me the most these days are my r torn rotator cuff, and my eyes. my eyes are so weird. they go through little phases where it just plain hurts to focus on anything. far away, up close, it doesn’t matter. And they feel like they are changing shape or something, it is so uncomfortable. Other things happening are that today was my first time at Raithel’s in 10 days. It felt a bit too long, BUT i’m glad that I can handle it. I know she is weaning me :). I had colorpuncture today, nothing dazzling, but I like to be with Dr. Larrow. Then I had a Glutithione Push. yes. that is what i needed. I knew I was pushing my liver to the limit and as soon as it went it, I know it was a good thing. My legs got so hot from the knee down. Healing. After, I got tired and moody which is normal after a push. Next monday I’m doing a Myers with h202. Took bath, elevated legs, its been a while since I did that. the desperation is fading. All good things. want to reach out to more and more people with each day. i read a post somewhere about a girl, day 2 with Cipro, obviously got the toxic response, and I felt frantic about telling her to STOP. ughhhh. how many lives will be ruined? By the end of this day, my legs are achy. Have not been achy in sooo long. Glut? Need to check my journal.
November 3, 2010 – Is it November? Yep, the Glutithione makes me tired and weak like a flu. It makes my body ache. Went back and read my journal. Dr. Raithel will tell me that the Glutithione is doing its job, that my liver is busy working on flushing toxins and the rest of me has to pay during that time, and I energetically, she is right, so she is right. Two steps forward, one step back. Remember. Had appt w K today, she worked on a variety of things, was good. Think I will continue to do Glutithione, but less often, maybe 1 -2 times per month. Itis beneficial, but I need to slow down the healing process, sometimes healing just hurts.
November 6, 2010 – The last few days have been a disapp0intment. I have had twitching. I thought the twitching was over. like a month ago. And my ankles have been sore since the Glut push. Grumpy and tired. On the brighter side, still not using the wheelchair. Went to the movies for anniversary night out, left the chair at home. Stairs and hills are exhausting, but still moving in the right direction. Having mixed feelings about the Glut.
November 7, 2010 – Its been about 5 or 6 weeks since the twitching stopped, I know the h202 made it stop. But it is back. Is is back because I have not been getting h202? or is it back because of glut? probably not enough h202. i am getting some tomorrow. now that i am spacing out the treatments, i will be able to more accurately determine what is doing what. falling asleep is harder lately, I’m up for many hours then sleeping in really late, another problem that was previously resolved with h202, and seems to be resurfacing. how long since my last h202? almost 3 weeks, i think. my doctor said that permanent improvement would come between 20 and 40 treatments. I haven’t even had 20. this week I want h202 and a YM appt and see how it all goes. ankles sore by the end of the evening, and fingers sore too, both have not been sore in many many weeks. discouraged. tried the hot house chi machine, was soothing. going to look onto acupuncture this week. oh yeah, itchy skin back too.
November 13, 2010 – Woke up surprised to find myself curled up in a fetal position, on my side. I usually can’t bend my knees like that nor can i lay on my sides because of shoulder pain. I was on my left side, which is the better side. Anyway, my knees didn’t hurt. I didn’t sleep very well, or very long, lots going on around here with sick kids and an old needy dog. Pain on standing definitely improved, thanks KC! She worked on me last night and this morning. Beautiful fall day today. It actually depresses me a little that I hardly leave the house, especially in my favorite season. We should be camping. Will I ever go camping again? I have to believe so. Yesterday, my lower legs were throbbing and twitching. Yuck, after KC, all fixed. My eyes are also better. And my fingers are stronger today too. Another day without my wheelchair, its been a few weeks, although I still need it outside the house, I get way too tired without it and sometimes swelling too. And I was thinking the other day how I needed the wheelchair to get from one side of the house to the other, and then when I stop needing it, my r shoulder gets so bad, there is no way I could use the chair on my own. Its as if I am being watched over. It may keep coming, but hopefully one thing at a time like in this case. I’m generally just doing better today, and its so much better than I was anticipating, because I was expecting the worst, like I read about in forums. That is why forums are bad for me, my mentality gets wrapped up in it and I start getting scared that what is happening to other people is going to happen to me. I know they are there to help people, and I think they really do in most cases where people just need to know they are not alone or have questions, in which case I am so grateful it is there. I wish I never went on FB forum this time because it was for the wrong reason. I only went on because someone told me that I was called a fraud. I’m going to try and stay off so I can keep my eye on the horizon, the negativity is so dangerous. So, its back to the basics for me. Taking care of myself the best I can, being as patient as possible as I lay on my bed for another day, staying off the forums for a while, and giving thanks for the many, countless blessings in my life, most of all, my family. I have h202 tomorrow, and in the evening I have an incredible opportunity to be the subject of a Yuen Method certified practitioners practice group. A group of CPs gather on a conference call once a month, and they have offered to work on me, all of them at the same time, for free. I could not be more grateful or excited.
November 15, 2010 – My son still has the coughing fever thing. My doctor told me today that even if I catch his illness, I may not feel sick because my system is so overwhelmed that I may not respond to the virus, that it is the body’s response to the virus that makes you feel sick. That makes sense. Slept like crap last night, hardly slept at all in fact. For about five hours I drifted in and out of sleep like they were one in the same. Nightmares. Barely peeled out of bed in time to make a 10am dr appt. Took a Myers with h202 and b6. Last week I had dark urine after so we are watching that very closely this week to be sure it isn’t liver. I will go in for liver and kidney tests this week just in case. I didn’t eat anything but a banana before the treatment, so I had to go really slow. I wish I hadn’t got out of bed so late. Pain so much better than yesterday, progressive improvement for a couple days so that I am almost as good as before my stress induced set back. Oh, my eyes are doing something new when they are closed, its like the beginning of a film when things flicker and come in and out of focus, but a cross right through the middle. I know its my brain, so freaky. Pain in r shoulder improved today, a little. Can’t wait for tonight. Wish the spammers would stop trying to post on the site, I seem to be attracting pharmaceutical links now. Great! DELETE!
November 16, 2010 – was that sleep or a semi-conscious coma with all too realistic dreams? I don’t know, but it wasn’t very restful. I had to stay in bed until 10:30 this morning before getting up. Long spaces of just being awake all through the night. I hate that. R shoulder a bit more sore than yesterday, but that’s ok, I know its torn and will take a long time to heal. I found myself standing while combing my sons hair. My normal instinct is to sit whenever possible. Then, I traveled all around the house looking for a netflix envelope instead of asking someone else to do it. I’ve been here before, feeling better and over doing. Got to keep myself in check. Had a 30 minute appt last night with a group of 7 YM practitioners. There was about 8 minutes of cx, and it was an incredible gift for Peggy to share with me. I am so grateful. The most profound (in my mind) improvement is in the way of my mentality. Before the cx I said I was struggling to move forward, that I know I can get better quickly, that I know I brought this crazy condition to my life for some reasons I already have identified and worked through, but there are still some reasons I do not yet understand. I have been feeling desperate to understand those reasons because I have believed that if I can understand all of the “whys” then I can face them, “fix” them, and move on with totally recovery. Total recovery being my ultimate goal. After the cx last night, I realized that I had received the profound gift of neutrality, no longer desperate to understand, when it comes, it comes, and I will be ready. It can happen when it needs to , when it is supposed to, and they may not be NOW. The whole experience brought me back to NOW, the power of presence in the abscence of anticipation. Ahhhhh. So much more connected. Again. Thank you Neil and all the rest. Blessings to you all. My daughters hair has thinned by about 50% in the last 3 weeks. I know it is stress and of course I feel guilty. Japh and I had to work on ourselves big time last night to try and feel neutral about it. Still popping away, all the joints popping. Tolerated a bit of massage yesterday, on my legs, first time. Could only take a little before it got really uncomfortable. I assume that is a blood flow issue. Door slammed this morning, didn’t jump, didn’t feel it in every cell of my body, thats a good sign. I’m feeling optimistic that this cycle is not turning into the long haul I was expecting/fearing. I know my treatments, both Yuen and Raithel are making it better/shorter. Another day to survive. Bring it on.
November 17, 2010 – another restless night. pain in r shoulder got progressively worse yesterday and made sleeping very difficult…again. Both of my kids have been sick with fevers and a coughing illness. Last night out of no where, i coughed one time, brought up yuck. SO, does that mean i have the virus and my body is not responding? does that mean yucky could be in my lungs and i’m not coughing it up? could i get pneumonia and not even know it? i have no fever, but my chest burns. I sent Dr. Raithel an email to ask her about it. This is an interesting topic that may need further investigation for my preservation. Besides burning chest and sore r shoulder, I’m about the same as yesterday. I need a shower.
November 20, 2010 – Been a busy few days. First of all my r shoulder got so bad I decided to go to the hospital. I wanted morphine. So I called the neurologist to see if he would admit me like he suggested a few weeks ago. I explained that after three months I still have not had the tests he ordered back in August. Anyway, fearing the need for shoulder surgery I wanted to go in and just get it all taken care of. But my neurologist denied me. He said my lower legs and my nerve issues are his focus, that the shoulder needs to be handled by someone else, but he was willing to order an x-ray. An x-ray for a torn rotator cuff? So, I called the NMD who diagnosed the torn rotator cuff and she said she would order the MRI. I do not have insurance coverage for outpatient medical care, so this is expensive territory. Looking into it, I decided to call my primary care physician, who I have not seen yet. He wasn’t in, so I talk to the PA. Rich decided to bring me in the next day, and viola, diagnoses me with Cipro Toxicity. I am so glad I talked to him. He ordered 4 MRI’S, which I cannot afford, does suspect torn rotator, and considered Cipro and liver function P 450 and decided to prescribe dilaudid (sp?) for pain, said it would be easier on my liver than Tylenol. I asked for a small amount because I doubt I will take it but was appreciative to have the option in case it gets really bad. In the meantime, Japh went to the health store and found me this new supplement for tendons. It’s called Wobenzym N, clinically studied formula for joints and tendons! I faxed the label to my NMD and she approved the use. The next morning (Friday) I realized I slept with much less pain in my shoulder. Cool. I also added Boswalia to my regimen. Made appts for the MRIs. Then Friday afternoon I had a 2.5 hour appt with KC. She rocked it. During my treatment we used her hot hands to test my sensitivity in different areas. I could barely feel her on the bottoms of my feet. She restored so much sensation to my lower legs, especially the bottom of my feet. The corrections vibrated all through my body, and I found myself sitting upright for the rest of the day and evening without developing swelling or discomfort. When I woke up this morning, I got up before Japh, which has not happened since flox, got some food for my daughter, checked in on my son, made a pot of coffee (I still drink a cup each morning without noticeable intolerance), opened blinds (then I realized my r arm was up over my head), lifted a jug of water with my r arm, then I paused. WHERE IS THE PAIN? I kept doubting the reality, kept testing the waters looking for, expecting, the pain. Mobility is improved about 50% since yesterday, pain improved about 50% and weight bearing is improved about 50%. Considering my r arm was completely useless and vulnerable to pain from the slightest movement, I am thrilled with 50%. 50% is huge! I am second guessing spending the money on these tests now. Maybe I won’t need surgery at all if these corrections “stick”. My brother stopped by today, first time I’ve seen him since flox, he brought us food. He brought us food before, but I was too sick to see him. Nice to have support from family. And now I’m hungry. One more thing, a little eczema showed up on my eyelids yesterday, first eczema since flox. No diet changes, so must be stress about these forum attacks.
November 21, 2010 – I spent the entire day out of bed yesterday. From the time I first arose until about 8pm. I have not done that even one time since I got floxed. Amazing. And more evidence of my angels. The ONE day Japh is not feeling well, catching the kids yuck, I feel so much better. Taking care of kids, him and myself. Amazing. If he got sick one day earlier, we’d have been forced to call in some reinforcements. Amazing how it all works out. Anyway, one kid on the mend, the other having a relapse. Hubby sick. Got a canker sore, did not eat any nuts. The itchy skin thing persists and is spreading. I woke up tender in the r shoulder, worse than yesterday, but not as bad as before, and ankles are sore, I knew that was a possibility from over use. I do this every time, over do it, gotta stop. I’m, committed to taking it easy today. I was up all day, with my feet NOT propped up and I did not swell. That is major improvement, and all thanks to YM cx with KC. She is amazing. Last night took a hot bath, soothed the day away, watched Grease in bed, ate some ice cream, called it a day. Called it a good day.
November 22, 2010 – The whole family is sick. Coughing, fevers in the other three, not me. My doctor says that no fever is indicative of the compromised immune system. Yesterday I had a few breakthroughs. I walked up three steps, one foot after the other, like a normal person. I got to the floor to pet my dog, and when I got up, it wasn’t a 15 point process (as it has been – I roll to my hands an knees, crawl to a chair and the remaining ten points involve my getting into standing position from there) it was more like a 6 point process that almost looked normal. My mind is blown. Today I made breakfast and lunch. I had h202 and myers this morning, extra zinc extra b6 for the PN. I did not taste it. I have no sense of smell today either. I did not taste my meals either. I am coughing and have a minor sore throat. Chest is tight. canker sore, rash, and eczema persist. Pain in r arm and legs majorly improved and in fact the muscles are getting sore (as if they have not been used in a while). Tomorrow KC is bringing in a second therapist, I can’t wait for that. It is spendy though. ears plugged up, definitely feeling like a have a virus without the fever. I wonder if that means i will be sick longer? maybe the h202 will keep it at bay as in the past. we will see. i’m feeling optimistic that i have regained so much feeling in my legs. today i have reflexology with LW, she’s coming to the house at 2, very much looking forward to that. my L shoulder feels about 80% healed. R shoulder is much better than it was, bot still has about 65% more healing in store. Thinking about a visit to Lino. I burned my hair today, about 3 inches on each side. I just chopped the burnt ends off, really looks like crap. I need a hair cut.
December 22, 2010 – WTF? Has it been a month since I created a journal entry? I’ve been sick. Sick in a way that I didn’t think I could be sick. After my last journal entry I had refelxology. BIG mistake. What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking at all, I was so excited about how great I felt, I just wasn’t thinking. I realized it may not be a good idea when she first started vigorously rubbing my feet. My feet. My painful barely able to carry my weight feet. My fragile feet. I should Have stopped her, but no, I wanted to try something new. As she was working on me, more gently after I explained my condition better, I felt a very tender spot on my foot, and my body began that CNS tingle, vibration thing it can do. She announced that my adrenal glands were “asleep”. My energy worker had told me the same thing weeks earlier, and so had my NMD. My immune system was sleeping. So, she turned it back on. Why did I let her? I had three sick people in the house with a viscous flu and I was somehow managing to not get it. Well, she turned it on, and I paid. First, my feet swelled up and became deformed. DEFORMED. I cried. I was walking up stairs, and now deformed. Devastation. Pain. Misery. SO MAD AT MYSELF. Next morning, woke up in extraordinary pain. Crying. And… a little cough. It was a long day. The next morning, 104 degree fever, full blown flu. The next day, Thanksgiving, the same. The next day, my 40th birthday, worse. Trip to ER, happy birthday. Can hardly breathe, pain in feet unbearable. Fever 104. Misery does not describe my feeling. The pain was unbelievable. I had a rx for dilaudid, but it said it could cause shortness of breathe. I was gasping for air with each and every breathe. This was not like any flu I have had before. Coughing fits lasting until I puke, all day, all night, broken ribs, pain everywhere (thank you Cipro), depression, fever, sweats, pain, pain, pain, anxiety about being able to catch my breathe. I’m sure I can’t remember it all, it was so unreal. The most shocking thing, is that I fevered and suffered to that extreme for 14 days. I could not sit up for more than a minute at a time, just long enough to sip some water. 14 days. I have had the flu before, and suffered, but for like 5 or 6 days. 14 days of feeling like i might die at any minute. 14 days of wishing I was dead because the pain was so out of hand. I tried Tylenol. Bad. Tylenol dropped my fever to about 101, but caused pain in my joints, and just made my CNS funky. I tried cough medicine with codeine for two nights and that was what stopped the uncontrollable coughing. Finally, regular cough syrup was tolerated without side effects. Tried Sudafed, made my heart squeeze so tight I thought I might have a heart attack, it took my breath away. So my conclusion was that nothing OTC is safe, so I toughed it out. Everything was so scary. And there was not much my family could do for me. Tea, steams, tincture (made by my NMD), thats about it. I used ear drops to keep my plugged ears from becoming infected. I coughed as much as I could to keep my lungs clear. I did everything to try and keep a bacterial infection at bay. I didn’t sleep much at all, I didn’t eat much at all. After about 20 days I started to turn the corner. I noticed an increase in appetite, ability to sit up for a couple of minutes, coughing less at night, etc. Now here I am, a month later, still coughing a lot, still puking sometimes, ears still plugged up, still in bed, but as of today, able to write this. I have left the house a few times. Went to the doctor twice, the ER once, and after 3 days of preparation, to my daughters ballet performance (I paid for that with four days of pain and agony). IN the last week, I have gone Christmas shopping, too. I need two days to prepare for leaving the house for any length of time. My family has been cheated in such a big way, I just had to have a hand in Christmas shopping. I can no longer push myself ina wheelchair, so my husband has to push me. My R shoulder has paid a huge price during this illness, the pain at times so unbearable that I have literally prayed for a quick death. Of course, after waiting four months for the NCS and the MRIs (four of them), they were scheduled during my illness, so they have all been cancelled. I couldn’t talk, walk, write, nothing. A total fucking nightmare. I’m not sure there are enough words to express how this has been, but I think the big picture here is, don’t rush your detox, don’t take OTC, and if at all possible, don’t get sick. KC and my NMD both claim that this illness will speed up my overall toxicity recovery. I quit all supplements, anything that detoxes because it is too much too fast. Too tired, will write more later.
January 21, 2011 – I guess it took longer than I thought to get back in here. Things have been changing quickly. I found myself receovered from the flu by the new year. I took forever, and if I thought the Cipro was chnaging me, the flu excelerated that by 100. It was crazy. nothing I could have imagined. Anyway, as I regained some srtength and stamina I found that I needed to just catch up on some life stuff. One day at a time I have been doing little things that I have wanted to do for several months. Purging my daughters closet, reorganizing the linens, putting away Christmas (okay, I just finished that today, embarassing), feeling embarassed (a month ago nothing coulod have embarassed me because I only thought about living and dying), doing some dishes and laundry, changing the sheets. Today, I went outside and put away summer stuff, sevral months too late, and a lot of it bcame trash, but I did it. About two and half weeks ago I bit the bullet and went to see Lino Cedros. I was terrified, not because I don’t trust him, but becauase I trust that I will feel a lot of pain in his office before I get better. I know its worth it with Lino because he is the smartest, most intuitive, most fearless body worker I have ever known. I have a friend who flies clients from the other coast just to have an appointment with Lino. Anyway, he didn’t hurt me. He knew I was scared to have anyone touch me. I sensed that he really had an idea of how fragile I am and how much pain I endure. He worked on me for a long time. Said myb hips were a pivotal place, but I wasn;t ready. My shoulder area got worked over a lot too. He did my feet. Integration would be slow too come, come back in 10 days. After my appt. major progress. Walking more upright, walking longer distance. Less swelling at the end of an outing. Stronger. Mobility in arm the same, but less pain and stronger. Happy days. Mental and emotional clarity. I even taught two childbirth classes to a friends family. Good stuff. Had a massage. Decided to go with Stephanie, she offered, I needed it, I trust her and I intuited that she could touch me and I would be okay. It was amazing to be touched, to lay on my stomach, to integrate more. I was light headed for almost 2 hours after and had to sit on her couch, but she tolerated me and my family invading her living room well. Two days later, second appt with Lino. Brought my husband and my son for appt too. Pain. Yeah, it hurt. And I haev been really tight and painful since then. Almost constant pain in the arm. Mental emotional burdens, sadness, anger, yuck. Low back pain. Sore ankles, stiff neck. I’ll be interested why he thinks this happened. KC says all the body work has put me back into a detox phase. Yuck. Daughter got sick, gave me a cold. Nothing compared to the flu, but I would do wothout it. Saw Raithel today, been moer than a month. Said I’m anemic. Of course. She had waited to discuss since iron can cause opther problems for me. She decided against more IV therapy for now. Instead we are doing some really explorative bloodwork to identify what I really need now. I’m doing the labs next week. I’m seeing Lino next week too. Been soending lots of energy with my son. He has PTSD big time. He needed my focus, still does, I need to balance it all. Overall, I am getting better, balance, strength, coordination, agility, speed, endurance. All better. Still using the chair for long distance, but still better. Mental faculties almost %100, just kidding, 100%, although I tire in that arena. Emotional balance mostly good with a bad day here and there. Physically, just a slow steady improvement but all my health team is amazed at how quickly I am recovering. If not for my r arm, I could drive now. Oh how I miss my independence. Oh how my husband does too 🙂
January 30, 2011 – I’ve been sick with a head cold for a bit more than a week. Thick phlegm, coughing, sinus pain, headache, sore throat. NO FEVER. Night sweats, but no fever. So… I was terrified of getting sick ever again for the rest of my life after almost losing my life to the flu. I know my body can’t handle illness like a normal person. But it’s not true. This cold has helped me to realize that I am getting better with the FTS. Mt body is responding to this cold exactly like everyone else I know with one exception, I ended up with laryngitis. Laryngitis? That’s nothing compared to death. I’ll take it. I HAVE A COLD AND I AM NOT HAVING A CYCLE. Is it because I just cycled? Is it because I am recovering on a very deep level? I guess only time will tell, but I am curious to see what happens the next time I get sick. A couple of things about getting sick: I can’t take OTC and I freak about infection. So I live with some nasty symptoms. It sucks. I never thought I would miss my Sudafed…but. So physically, head cold aside, here is my status: I had a thrid appointment with Lino two days ago. My r arm mobility improved immediatelty. My knees and ankles improved too. He says I do not have peripheral neuropathy. In the last week, while sick, I have done some things that have surprised me in a really good way, I went shopping at Barnes and Noble with my family without a wheelchair, I kicked at a ball to move it without pain, I lifted a full tea kettle with my R arm, I shook out a wrinkled pair of jeans using both arms, I clipped my hair back using both arms, I twisted my ankle on the pathway at my house and did not fall or feel unusual pain, I helped my daughter off the bed, bearing most of her weight, I negotiated two leases over the phone, and I did a ton of chores. I did not plan to do any of these things, they just happened. They happened because I am feeling better and getting stronger. I still have some vision issues, but they seem to be improving. I still have constant R shoulder pain and I get really frustrated and want to cry a lot. I still can’t bend my knees without tons of pressure behind the knee. I still have some instability in ankles and swelling and pain, too. my feet don’t feel like my feet at all, they are still pretty jacked up. My hips, especially my R hip still feels tight and painful. My joints still hurt but there is improvement happening there. I still have dry eyes, nose and mouth. My skin still hurts. I still have depressed days, but fewer than before. But overall, I am improving. It is almost hard for me to remember how horrible this has been because I mostly am enjoying the experience of doing things I have always taken for granted, like using my toes for balance, or getting the mail. Its been hard, but I am surviving and so are other people. I love to hear about the other people.
February 3, 2001 – Just looking for signs of change, improvement, things to be grateful for. Also seeing some new developments that are a bit alarming. I read about painful skin and I have had that for about a month, it is a weird symptom. Also, I know some people have sensitivity to the sun. I was getting regular sun before the flu, but not lately. Yesterday I exposed my lower legs to the sun for about 10 minutes and they got burned. Alarming. Membranes still really dry and uncomfortable, like eyes, nose, mouth. Need a humidifier all the time. Vision a lot better. Discovered that rid9ing in a car at night is very uncomfortable. Freaks out the CNS. I want to try and drive to the corner store soon during the day. I wish I could grocery shop, but no. Too much time on the feet without a place to sit. I have to sit every now and then. Hands are so much better. They ache and get painful but the strength is about 80%. Ankles really sore these last few days. Toxins? Stress? Overload? Walking funny like back of legs are dead, but I know its not true this time, just a temporary set back. Been thinking a lot about the new business I want to start. Is that really on the agenda? Or is it just a distraction? Hard to tell. Hard to not implement my ideas now, to wait until I am better. I need to wait until I can drive to make any changes. Realizing how impulsive I really am. Husband reaching the end of his rope with all the chauffeuring, time to go back to his life, he needs to work more. Things are about to get hard in a whole new way. Money, time, space, relationships. Reality. Yuck.
February 9, 2011 – I saw Lino on Monday. He has been talking about something he wanted to do behind my heart for a few weeks and on Monday I had progressed enough to be “ready”. He worked on what at first felt like a rib, but when it finally “went”, I felt startling sensations shooting from my left to right side all through my torso. What the? He said he was breaking up the scar tissue that has somehow developed between my heart and my liver. Of course. LOL. We discussed my hormones changing and the high estrogen levels I’m facing, which he says is good. He worked on my pelvis and my feet. Then he worked on my neck area, c3 specifically to loosen up my diaphram. At first my breathing was totally irratic, but once I integrated all the corrections, I must say that I feel substantially better. Back on my feet. No neck pain. Breathing normal. On Tuesday I went to Raithel’s for some blood work, they couldn’t find a vein, has to draw it out of my hand. The idea is to do this intensive bloodwork, NMD style to figure the best course of action going forward. Had dinner tonight at J&K’s. Kids running around screaming, no problem. Walking upright like a normal human being, no problem. Being tired and overstimulated, no problem. Life is getting better. A lot better. I have Kea, Lino, JDA and Michelle to thank for my recent progress, Thank you. I research frozen shoulder today. Bad idea. I wish I could turn back time and take that one back. I am dreading the day we deal with this. Dreading it. It hurts already.
February 19, 2011 – I love that I am not writing in here everyday. A sign for improved health in this case. I am finding more and more of my time devoted to “normal” tasks rather than my health. When you are healing, it is so easy to get wrapped up in the moment and to lose sight of how far you’ve come. I have bad days of course, when I panic and fear that I am getting worse or that I will never fully heal. But mostly I have days that are good enough to see how fast I am healing. I saw Lino again yesterday. He discussed my shoulder with me. He will take his time with it, and he says that he won’t be forcing it to move. I need patience. He also feels that the dysfunction in my legs is NOT permanent. HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF (that is how much I trust his judgment). He adjusted my feet, pelvic area, back, chest and ankles. Better. BETTER. In fact, as KC noted, I have progressed from 2 steps forward – 1 step back, to something more resembling 5 steps forward – 2 steps back. Progress is coming quicker than ever before. On another note, my son has the flu again. I assume it is a different flu from the last, but the second in one season. I have been using, very liberally, the thieves oil (orally, topically and as a cleanser) everywhere I can think and as often as I can remember and so far no one else has fallen ill. He has been sick for 5 days now. I did have the homeopathic flu vaccine a couple of months ago too. I”m not sure why I have not become sick, but I am so grateful. We are going to attempt our first getaway since my flox. My brother has offered us his vacation home in Napa, so we are hoping for a few days away from all our responsibilities. I hope everyone will feel up to the light travel, especially me. I have recently noted an extreme discomfort when riding in a car at night. I become very tense and easily overwhelmed by the speed, movement and lights with normal driving behavior. During the day I have graduated to only feeling that way if the driver is driving fast, thoughtless or tailgating. As for my vision, I have not experienced erratic vision problems for some time. I am mostly afflicted by a general condition of blurry vision up close (is that far sightedness?) and occasional burning and dryness (not together). Strength continues to improve in hands, legs and feet. Mobility in R arm has improved by approximately 3 inches going forward, and 2 inches extending to the side in the last 6 weeks. It isn’t HUGE, but it is significant. I have not had an energetic healing session in months, and I am still waiting to hear from my NMD about my test results and where we go from here. I have recently gained approx 8 lbs (in the last 4 weeks). It is shocking to see myself so heavy. Lino says it is because my estrogen has finally started to kick in, which I can say is true for other reasons. My vanity would like resolution to this hormonal imbalance sooner than later. Since seeing Lino, I do find that I need to soak and elevate as before, but not as often. My wheelchair remains in the car and is needed less and less, but I am dependent on the handicap placard to get to my destinations without pain.
February 25, 2010 – Returned last night from a getaway to Napa. Handled the drive very well. In fact, the next day we went to SF for the day and spent the whole day at Academy of Sciences and then spent the evening at Pier 39/41, no swelling or extra pain at all. Spent the following day at Petrified Forest and Calistoga’s Geyser. Again, no pain or swelling. Walking on the concrete floors at my brother’s house was the most painful thing for me. I found the impact to be a bit painful, and one time my husband hit the back of my achilles with the wheelcahir, and that caused my L foot to hurt but once I got over the initial pain in achilles, it was gone for good. We did Jelly Belly factory too, that was kind of lame in a wheelchair because I couldn’t see very good. I walked into restaurants and most shops. I only used the chair for long distance. Overall, the trip was really good and I feel like I can handle car rides now, which causes me to question if I might go for treatments a bit away from home now. I didn’t consider them before because of the travel, but now the door is open. In fact, the ozone doctor is in Santa Rosa, which is just a short drive from Yountville, so maybe I could stay at my brother’s house while I get treatments. Something to consider. I plan an energy appt for next week with KC. I have some big expectations for a large leap in recovery after that. We will see. BTW – still drinking coffee every morning, no side effects. Curious about alcohol. Can I drink alcohol? I sure was craving some wine in Napa. Eyes burning and itching this last week. Speaking of Cipro eyes, I was devastated to read ab0ut the dancer Michelle, and her Leukemia. What a blow. Her strength however, is inspirational. Mentally, I’m working past the thing where I hear about other floxies developing this condition and that condition and fearing that I will get it too. It sneaks up on me, but mostly, I have reigned that in. Still no supplements, waiting to hear results from NMD. My nutrient evaluation is not in yet, but allergy panel is. Still working hard to not overdo things, I don’t want to jinx this rapid progression. Oh yeah, and I did not get the flu from my son this round, which may be because of the homeopathic vaccine, or maybe the Thieves Oil, who knows?
February 27, 2011 – I got the results of my IGE Food Anitbody allergy panel. I’m allergic to just about everything except the things you might expect: soy, gluten, dairy and wheat. Hmmmm. Of course I am allergic to many of my favorite foods: LETTUCE (I could cry over that one), chicken, lamb, chocolate, lemon, grapefruit, tuna, garbanzo, rice, tomato, spinach, grapes, coconut, string beans… the list goes on. I wonder if I was allergic to these items prior to flox? I haven’t actually met with my doctor to see how we will handle this. These results need to be evaluated with my nutrition panel. I’m sure Dr. R will have something brilliant to say about it all. And, as with everything else, it is my intention to cure these deficits with alternative medicine. I don’t see myself eliminating all of my favorites on a permanent basis, that doesn’t sound like any fun at all! On another note, legs burning today, don’t know why. Feet running hot then cold. Little black spots in my vision. Need to see an ophthalmologist. Still too freaked to do the NCS, I still don’t see the point unless I plan to sue someone. I’m giving the wheelchair back soon, it is too expensive through Apria. I will look into buying one online.
March 2, 2011 – Yesterday I saw my DC for a re-evaluation. She was not too happy about my shoulder. She did a work up and a treatment, tried to break up the scar tissue. I do love her, she’s a dear woman and I trust her implicitly. I wish it wasn’t so hard to get around, or I would try to see her every week. I may ask some friends for help with rides. After my appt. I went to the DMV for my handicap placard renewal. It took forever, even with an appointment. I later ordered a wheelchair online so I can send this really expensive rental back. I wish I could just let it go, but I still need it often enough to warrant the expense. I have an appt with the optometrist tomorrow, but I cancelled it. I don’t feel confident that an optometrist will be qualified to deal with my eyes. They are soooo dry and my vision is getting sooo bad. I’m going to work on it. Last night I finally got into the spa. I have craved the spa and last night I went in. Getting in was easier than I thought, but getting out was slippery and a bit dangerous. I decided to do some leg kicks. I haven’t exercised in forever. I did 300 kicks, it took about 3 minutes, and totally wiped me out. After the spa, I generally felt better and my legs didn’t hurt as bad. My lower legs have resumed burning for the last three or four days. I knew things were getting funky, but the burning freaks me out, thinking about PN and fearing irreversible conditions, etc. By the time I went to sleep, I was burning pretty bad. Did I overdo? Should I overdo and push through the pain? Who knows. Anyway, this morning i was really burning and my eyes were really dry and I was really unhappy. For the first time in I don’t know how long I had energy work with KC. She got me moving a lot better and the pain improved. But more improtantly she got my persistent thinking about PN straightened out. Its like a broken record up there, and she helped a lot. We discussed my using PanAway for the legs, I am really excited about getting it, it sounds exactly what I need right now. I have a great feeling about it. Also, add blue-green algae. Thank you KC.
March 3, 2011 – MY EYES ARE SO DRY! This sucks. Every second sucks. I called NMD to see what steps I should take. In the meantime my mother got me some homeopathic eye drops for dry eyes that are supposed to encourage your eye to make its own tears. They feel better in my eyes than the other two drops I have tried. I pray that they work. So, am I detoxing more, in a cycle, falling apart? PAin in my feet pretty overwhelming and equally overwhelming is the thoughts that follow. I have not had this type of pain since the early days of my flox. Am I getting worse, is this a cycle? OR Am I getting better? Is it possible that this pain is actually a symptom of improvement. Could my body be releasing more toxins, overloading my organs, and subsequently causing pain? That is the theory of all the peeps taking care of me. Tell it to 5000 times a day because I’m having trouble getting excited about more pain, especially pain that reminds me of the worst days of my life. I even have pain in middle finger R hand. ON A POSITIVE NOTE – my shoulder pain is getting better. The torn tendon pain is better, and the mobility is improving. Keep in mind that the improvements are almost negligible, but steady. I’ll take whatever I can get. Also positive, I my cycle, if it is a cycle seems to be focused on tendons and nerves in legs. The CNS stuff hasn’t really attacked since it went away after the H202. I may need to revamp some of my web pages. Mouth dry and so is skin. Headache. Trying to remember that I need to drink more water. I have not been taking very good care of myself. Time to snap out of it.
March 5, 2011 – Yesterday was a significant day for me. I went to see Lino Cedros for my body work. If you have been reading my journal then you know that I trust Lino implicitly, a fact based on his proven track record as a miracle worker, my numerous personal experiences AND my intuition. Seeing Lino is a faith based experience to some degree because he is pretty much going to do whatever he wants and there isn’t a lot of chat time. You go in, you lay down (if you can) and you breathe until its over. I always try to pin Lino down with some questions, in truth I need about 6 hours to interview this man, but I just slip in a questions here and there. I don’t always understand his answers (he’s got a big vocabulary) but I know he is right in his answers. Yesterday I asked him WHY the tendons are effected by the fluoroquinolones. He gave me a good explanation which I will add to my tendon page on this website. I asked him about my eyes, and the same answer as to the tendons. I asked him if I would recover, he said YES. This is not the first time he has said that. After that question, he wandered off to treat one of his many other clients. While he was gone, I realized why that answer never sits well with me, not that I don’t believe him, but because I want to know WHY he says YES and WHY I will recover when so many people do NOT. So when he came back, I asked him why I will get better, and he said because I knew what was happening right away and did the right things from the beginning, coupled with the fact that I have gotten the appropriate care during this time (IV h202, glutathione, rest, rest, rest, heat, nutrition, and him once I was ready). I asked him why some people do not get better and he said it was because they get bad medical care. I asked if it was too late for the people whose tendons have been affected for years and years and he said, sadly, YES. It makes me sad. He said that the key to healing those tendons is the oxygen, rest, and then when you are ready, proper treatment, like what I am getting with him. All of us need a Lino in our lives. I know some people fly from all over the country (maybe the world) to see Lino. I know at least 100 people who have seen this man for one ailment or another (usually people facing surgery for knees, shoulders, hips, back) who’ve been saved agony and expense from his services. He really is amazing, but don’t tell him that, he is too humble to accept it. Anyway, it was an aggressive treatment compared to what I have had with him since flox. I loved it. I needed it. He moved bones in my feet and thumbs, he worked on the scar tissue in my shoulder, my pancreas, my thighs, ankles, neck, adjusted my jaw and I think he moved my esophagus. It all needed to be done. I need to be put back together like that. Moving on to a new topic, I came to the painful and frightening realization today that my hair is falling out. BUMMER. Hair line is receding, I think. Did some research, and I don’t feel any better about it. This is a wait and see type of issue, and I pray for the best outcome and to not be too destroyed if things don’t go my way. My eyes continue to be a source of real anxiety for me and discomfort, however, these eye drops I have been using are AMAZING. They really soothe my eyes. At first I had to use them every few minutes, but eventually I needed them less and less. I am so grateful to have them. I will discuss hair loss and visual problems with the Dr on Monday. Today we went to Home Depot and bought some flowers, just some annuals and some cala lily’s, but it felt like such a normal thing to do. On the way home we got some Sunflower Drive In which was just what I needed, and then we came home at ate our lunch in the garden. After lunch I felt so energized, got busy planting and weeding. Of course I was fairly uncomfortable, and feeble, but I stuck with it for a good hour or more and I feel like I really accomplished something. I am impressed with my stamina today (thank you Lino) and I hope that tomorrow I can finish the job. I did have to stop when my feet turned purple and swelled, but I knew that was coming, also, the mosquitoes were awful and I was getting bit. I figure getting bug bites is a chore my body doesn’t need to deal with. Skin still tender. Ears ringing. A slight twitch last night in my L thigh, may not have been anything related to FQT.
March 6, 2011 – Last night I got into the hot tub again. When my feet first touch the water, it feels scorching hot on my feet, but it feels good on the rest of my body, and a few seconds later the feet feel fine. The weird sensitivity on the skin of the feet has been like than since flox. I did not do any kicks because I wanted to compare how I feel the next day to the last time, just in case the bromine may be effecting me. I won’t know yet (its still early in the day), but I suspect that the tenderness/swelling was more related to the 300 kicks. I have been meaning to mention how well I have been sleeping lately, so deeply. I haven’t been waking up unless my daughter calls for me and I feel like I’m pulling myself out of a coma when she does. I’m going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, which is so good for me. I hate looking in the mirror, I have aged so much these past 7 months. The fingernails had become brittle a couple of months ago, and a bit yellow with vertical ridges, but I’m noticing how smooth the newer nail is. That must be a good sign. Still not taking supplements. I know that will change tomorrow, and I plan to pay very close attention to how they effect me. I feel that about half the supplements I take are ineffective, maybe a quality issue, maybe an issue with failing to identify a true deficiency prior to taking. Now I will know (because of the nutrition panel) what I really need. I’m looking forward to taking this next step.
March 7, 2011 – Was disappointed to have some significant swelling in feet last night after visiting MIL. Woke up this morning with more flexibility in foot and ankle area, so when I walk, it feels more natural. Usually when I walk, it is without bending at the ankle and without flex in the foot, everything is flat and stiff. Dry eye symptoms continue and pain in R shoulder has been acting up a bit more than of late BUT I have greater range of motion, so it seems like a fair trade. Ate some foods on my do not eat list and had itchy skin and sneezing after. It was a little chicken broth, like a tiny amount, but my MIL has a cat, its actually my husbands cat, and I’m allergic to her, so it could have been that. It was weird, throat swelled too. See doctor today.
March 8, 2011 – Lots of good news from the doctor yesterday. Adrenal glands back in the game, no severe food allergies, just a long list of food sensitivities which is not surprising you factor in the extremely low glutamine levels. Low folate, several B vitamins, choline, glutamine, zinc, ALA. All of these deficiencies can be treated orally with supplements. One supp is powder, one granules. I’ll boost with these for a month, then taper off. As for diet, staying away from the offenders for 52 days. OK. Eye exam revealed streaks on the arteries. She will treat for one month and if there is no improvement I will be referred out to an eye doctor. Vision test reveals weaker R eye than L, not surprised. Bummed, but she thinks it will get better with proper treatment. So far, she has been right on the money except with the homeopathy, so I feel confident in her care. Having some allergy symptoms last few days, and the sun has caused some blooms, so it is most likely my annual allergies. Continue to gain weight at a rapid pace, another 2lbs this past week. Bummer. Since my nutrient panel was so good, I do not need IV therapy unless I want H202. I will think about it. It has done a lot for me, but I suspect it has run its course for the time being, OR I may be tired of riding out there for treatments. In one month I will go in for a follow up with Dr. Raithel and she will re-examine my eyes, and re-evaluate my diet and supplements. Drove one of those carts at Target today, was able to use my R arm for a little while. I really want to exercise and to get really strong but my tendons are clearly not ready. I’m itching to do SOMETHING. Cabin fever I guess.
March 10, 2011 – Drove to the corner yesterday, I’m talking a block away. It is my second time behind the wheel since being sick. There is a mechanic and a hairstylist in the same parking lot there, and I needed services from both. Dropped car for oil change and got my first haircut in about a year. Driving did not bother me while I was doing it, of course I managed without using my r arm hardly at all. After I drove, my R lower leg was really tingly. This morning I realized that I am allergic the eye-bright eye drops, probably allergic to eye-bright, had KC work on it, now I’m fine, no allergies. The eye-bright has already made a difference in my eyes! I did not use my dry eye eye drops yesterday or today and I have not had the eye strain and focusing issues I normally feel plagued with 24/7. I didn’t expect such a fast improvement. I didn’t expect much noticeable improvement at all, as a matter of fact. I hope the allergies don’t come back. Anyway, my PanAway oil came today, it is supposed to work wonders on tendons and joints. I was surprised to open it and find that it smells like Ben Gay. LOL. I’m so used to Young Living Blends smelling like a dream come true, this one was obviously made for therapeutic applications only. Anyway, I applied it this evening and will try to remember to do it as often as possible. Used about 1/8 tsp olive oil to 2 drops of PanAway on each leg (ankle and knee) and on r shoulder. Of course it ended up all over my hands too, so i just rubbed it in. I’ll be interested to see what a difference this makes. Had some digestive issues late afternoon and early evening, very unusual, must be the supplements. Left message with doc.
March 11. 2011 -Just a quick entry. Last night, after using the PanAway about 2 hours earlier, I looked at my feet and they looked so weird, they were kind of wiry looking and I finally realized how skinny they looked. I asked my husband to look at my feet, and he said, “wow, they look really skinny, you can see the muscles and stuff”. Anyway, the swelling was drastically decreased. This morning they were same as usual. And another thing, since the elimination diet, these awful bumps I have had on my arms since the 90’s have completely gone away. It is so unexpected and great. Saw Lino today, he did some stuff I was not fond of, but I walked out a lot better than I walked in, as usual.
March 13, 2011 – Yesterday was horrible. I should expect these bad days following treatment, but I often forget and then get really disappointed or depressed. Anyway, it was horrible, really jittery, breathing was off, heart rate was off, body temperature dropped to 96.0, and just feeling like shit. I went through the normal checklist: am i sick? is it a cold? a flu? am i detoxing? did I eat something I’m allergic to? am i dying? It will drive a person insane. Anyway, I handled it by hunkering down for the day. Stayed in bed, kept the computer off, just tried to get through it. Rested, drank a lot of water, ate food. By evening time, I felt a lot better, but it was a rough day, filled with tears. Really chemical feeling, really depressing. Late evening I got my head on straight: I’ve been using these new oils, I’ve eliminated irritating foods from my diet, I’m taking proper supplements, I saw Lino on Friday and he moved some body parts he hadn’t moved before, and I have been using the hot tub… all of these things are going to combine for a new level of detox, and in the acute phase of detox, life sucks. One more note, for the last week-ish, I can’t stay awake past 11pm. I get exhausted and go to sleep. This is not my usually MO. I’m a night owl, always have been. I know this is healthier for me, but I am noting it just the same.
March 14, 2011 – I hope that anyone taking the time to read this doesn’t mind my typos and bad language…I’m just sayin’… Anyway, yesterday was interesting. Early in the day, a total turn around from the day before. I even went outside and planted some more annuals and a few Cala Lilies. Then last night my allergies kicked in again and I used some RC oil again, and I got a little jittery again. Bottom line, essential oils are powerful, and RC is just too stimulating for me right now, so I’m going to avoid it for a while. I went to my favorite DC, dear Dina, today. I woke up feeling like shit, swollen sinuses, stuffy head, runny nose, malaise, dizziness. I considered not going afraid that any more body work might cause more detox and make me feel even worse. But time has shown me that the more I push with the treatments, the more I detox, the worse I feel, and then the much better I feel. So, sick or not, I went for it. She worked my shoulder big time, really digging into that scar tissue and breaking it up. I could feel a chemical reaction happening to my nervous system, but I just decided to endure. It will pass and the reward should be more mobility in my R arm. If I can get far enough with the frozen shoulder, I can drive, I hope, so I figure it is better to suffer when I am already suffering anyway, and just get better. Besides, I trust Dina to warn me if she’s going to drastically alter my condition. She is really awesome, I wish I could get rides to her office more often. I want to see her every week. Anyway, after the appointment, I felt better. Walking better, pain in arm better, head and neck felt better, just better. As I sit here, my sinuses are filling up again and my headache is coming back, could be detox, allergies, or a head cold. Who knows anymore.
March 16, 2011 – Battling with mouth sores. Could be several triggers that caused it, but my mouth is bleeding rather a lot. Bummer. Last night I got some potassium iodide from my NMD. She is recommending it for her west coast patients for the next 15 days in response to the Japanese Nuclear Power Plant Crisis. There is a lot of controversy over the whole issue, but it is really hard to know what is true and who to trust. My gut tells me to trust my doctor in this case. First, the media reported to take the iodide, then the stores all ran out and the public started to freak out and so the media reported that we don’t need the iodide. Yet, on the CDC website, there is support for taking it. I think they ran out and didn’t want people getting violent, so they may have said we don’t need it. It is really confusing. Anyway, we are all taking it for 15 days. Yesterday was a great day for me. I moved well and my mind was so energetic. I got a lot accomplished and even went to a cancer talk at a dr. office with a friend. I got a little buzzy after inhaling some RC. When will I learn? Then didn’t sleel well last night at all. Tonight I am going to attempt attendance to my son’s Spring Concert at school. And today I experimented with some driving. I drove the to pool supply store and just cruised around the neighborhood. I had to drive slow and defensively. If I had to make a sudden movement, I don’t think it would feel good, and I don’t think I would react appropriately on a physical level. Driving without a R arm is very difficult. I do not seem worse off for having done it with the exception of cold tingling in my feet, whatever that means. I don’t think I am generally ready, but in a pinch, I would feel comfortable taking myself somewhere close to home. It was good to try. Anyway, I hope I’m not trashed tomorrow after no sleep, two late nights in a row and a little driving. We will see! Toes on R foot (the two closest to pinky toe) are sore the last three days off and on. And when my daughter sits on my lap in the wheelchair, my knees really hurt. I need her to stop doing that. Had dreams about doing yoga and being scared.
March 17, 2011 – CRAP. Had swelling and numbness today. Caused by stress? Driving? Detox? Then I ate foods on my DO NOT EAT list. Just a crappy day. Did a little crying. Did a little sunshine. A weird one. I ate tomato and lemon juice. My throat feels swollen and my head feels swollen. I am very uncomfortable. Also, I am getting fatter by the day. I wonder if my thyroid is messed up.
March 19, 2011 – Yesterday my E3Live arrived! YES! I Love it. It tastes good and its energy is AMAZING. The whole family will take it daily from now on instead of a multi-vitamin. I’m really excited about it. Ran some errands yesterday, starting my cycle a little early, had loose bowels. Swelling and numbness much much better. Been trying to get the forum going. Feel some hot/cold sensations in feet and bit limpy. Went up a ladder to the craft room, getting down was painful and scary. My kids are amazing, they blow my mind, thats all I’m going to say about them. Have a little rash like broken blood vessel thing happening in my armpit area on L side. Eyes continue to improve. I know the eyebright is helping, or working wonders more like. I forgot to take it for two days and my eyes were really struggling to focus again, then I resumed the eyebright and within a day the eye strain went away. Awesome. The allergies have seriously improved since I stopped using all the oils. I only touch PanAway with my hands, and Valor or Joy with the tips of my pinky. I think Peace and Calming is the allergy (possibly patchouli). I will know when I try it next time.
March 21, 2011 – Saw Lino this morning. He moved my lungs, my knees, my pubis, my clavicle, my jaw, my ribs, un-kinked a small intestine kink he found, and separated my colon from the peritoneal wall. He mentioned to another practitioner who was shadowing him that my sympathetic nervous system functions normally, but my parasympathetic nervous system is not working, which is why he says that I am still sick. Interesting. I’ll have to look that up. I actually woke up today in better shape than all week, so I walked into his office pretty well and walked out even better. I ended up getting in the hot tub this afternoon and doing some kicking. Then I could feel pain in r knee, l ankle, hips tight, but whatever. I hope I didn’t over do it. I’m just so tired of wasting away into a big blob. Still loving the E3, I might write about it on my website soon. Everyone should take it. I forgot to tell Lino how swollen my knees were this past week. I asked him to write an article for my website, about tendons, he says he will. I know he will when he has time. I just can’t say enough about Lino, he is a lifesaver. Have had to back off on the e3 because it actually stimulated a detox cycle in me, which I was not up for, so I backed to 1 teaspoon a day, same as the kids. Teeth bugging me, but all the sores in my mouth are healed. Eyes continue to improve as well.
March 23, 2011 – Yesterday was great. I slept like a rock, again, was on my feet most of the day and did not have swelling until late into the evening. I had energy and optimism and my body felt upright and good. I had slept in until 9:30, so when midnight, last night rolled around, I was exhausted and decided to go to bed. I think I finally fell asleep around 3:30 am. Got up at 7:30, and now, an hour later I’m getting ready for an hour of Chinese Energetic Medicine with KC. I have not had an appt in months. I’m ready. Only problem is that we only have an hour. She has been generous with corrections over the last few months, but a few minutes here and there, we have not had an appt. I’m excited.
March 24, 2011 – Well, she worked on me for a bit, but we were kinda chatty and then we went to the movies. LOL. It’s all good. Getting out of the house is therapeutic too. Anyway, knees are hurting lately, I know it is because I am walking so much differently now that it is all shifting. Dina or Lino can work on it next appt. Must make a note here about the energy levels. HIGH. Don’t know if it is the E3 Live (I suspect it is) or if I am developing a caffeine intolerance. I’m kind of wired lately. I’m going to cut out caffeine and see if that helps. I am happier too, a lot happier, and so are my children, so I am sure the E3 Live is to thank for that. I’m excited to get off the coffee anyway because it is so bad for you anyway. I think the E3 Live will give me plenty of energy. Body hair is thin and LONG. Weird. L ear pain again.
March 29, 2011 – Saw Dina DC yesterday. She worked on my r clavicle being really high and really forward, plus all the usual. She shares my suspicions about my thyroid. I see Dr today and I think she will be running some tests. My concern is that this hormonal imbalance seems to fluctuate very quickly. What may be true one minute may not be true another. Make treating very complicated. Unless I use energy work. Last few nights I’ve had a horrible time going to sleep. I am exhausted, but feel a crazy energy running through my veins, can’t shut it down, takes hours to get to sleep, then I sleep in very late in the morning. I don’t like it. I suspected caffeine intolerance, and cut out the coffee and the cost of a headache on day one. KC said its not the caffeine, it is the universal life energy changing and effecting us all, which sounds right to me, things are weird for everyone right now. I did fall asleep easier last night. Once I am asleep, I’m dead asleep. I’ve experienced this early on my my flox, and again, suspect that the new diet and use of oils may be detoxing me on a whole new level. Might be hormones. I need the test. Anyway, did some light exercise in hot tub last night (150 forward kicks, 150 back kicks, and 20 scissor kicks), when I got out my feet were swollen, when i woke up this morning, I was tingling and a kinda numb in places from the waist down. It is in my pelvis, the source to my legs. I can feel it so clearly now, all the energy workers and Lino said it from the beginning, but now it is clear to me. Suspect kicks in hot tub are going to come at a price, but once I got out of bed and started moving around, I realized that I am better than I thought. A little muscle burning in arms and legs. I have actually been thinking that an h202 might be a good idea soon. I feel like I have released a lot of toxins, and I think h202 could push them through. If I do it, I am going to try and anticipate feeling like crap after so I don’t convince myself that I’m getting worse. If I accomplish that, it will be a first for me, I am so weak on this topic. Weight gain persists. Hair continues to fall out. L ear ringing, R fingers tight. R bicep tendon tender, feel achilles loosening. finally.
June 14, 2011 – WOW! Its been months since I updated my journal! Obviously I can’t recount the last few months, but things have definitely been changing. For starters, I can drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that changes EVERYTHING! I am not a prisoner anymore, at least I’m not locked up in the house waiting for a ride. I have to say that learning to drive after such a long break was terrifying, primarily because all that soul searching and meditating caused a state of absolute presence, which is a not a good state for driving. I quickly discovered that the only safe way to drive is completely checked out into lala land. Anyway, with driving has come some responsibilities, like driving kids here and there. I practiced driving for about 6 weeks before I took my kids in the car with me, but now its all over. I love being busy and having something to do besides sitting at home hating Bayer. LOVE IT. I have other things going on too, like opening a new business in the fall, more to come on that later. My body is improving slowly, but surely. I can’t say I detect improvement from day to day, but I do from week to week. As long as I know I haven’t plateaued, I am happy. I still have a way to go, but things are changing. My stamina is improving, my flexibility is improving, my sensitivity is improving, etc. My R shoulder, ankles, knees and heels have improved the least amount, but they still improve none- the- less. I am not exercising or stretching yet, but I do have days where I am up and about and largely on my feet for the day and I do not pay a huge price, yes, my feet get sore and swollen, but I do not cry myself to sleep and wake up the next day unable to walk. Recovery from long periods on my feet comes quickly these days. I have noticed that when I walk a lot, my achilles seem to shrink. Also, the bottoms of my feet, near the ball of my foot get really sore. I use oils for pain. They work well. I saw a Russian doctor of iridology and abdominal massage, he said my kidneys are trashed. I also noticed needing more alkaline food in my diet. My shoulder is crackling and popping as the scar tissue is finally giving way. I test my range of motion regularly and see slight improvements. As for medical care, I have hardly seen the NMD in months, she is basically regulating my gut at this point, no IVs. I see my body worker, LINO, every week, and my DC as regularly as I can but not as often as I would like do to scheduling problems with the kids and she is closed on the best day for me to see her. I haven’t seen an MD since last year, what is the point? I won’t take drugs, and that is all they do. I have had a lot of energy work lately, both with Kea and Paul, and they are both making a huge difference in my wellness. I have loved treating myself and my family with therapeutic essential oils and I am still high on E3 Live. I have been neglecting my supplements, I just don’t feel a real difference with oral supplements. I take them from time to time. I am eating good food, but getting fatter and fatter by the week, which is awful. I have gained over 20 lbs since flox. I am getting stronger, I lifted my dog today and gave her a bath. She only weighs 23 lbs, but still, considering I could barely lift my own head not that long ago, I’ll take it. I have started several new articles for the website, but haven’t finished anything yet.
June 16, 2011 – Oh, the irony. For the first time in months I am experiencing a setback today. Incredible amounts of pain in my feet, can hardly walk and really needed a lot of help today. This is very disappointing. I know what it is, it is temporary. I know I am detoxing from an aggressive appointment with DC yesterday. She moved a lot of tendons, muscles and bones. Today I pay. I cried today as well, for more than one reason. A friend is dying, I’m in pain, I’m really fat and getting fatter (vanity – yes and no – I worked really hard prior to flox to get the pregnancy pounds off), PBS aired a story that made me feel a bit sorry for myself, and I am detoxing so therefor depressed!!!!! I ate a lot of really healthy food today and tomorrow I’m going to get back on the supplements. I’m not going to let this thing win. I’m back on the warpath tomorrow.