July 2013. My 3 year update.
Where to begin? Well, for starters, my life is unrecognizable. Unrecognizable to 2010 when I was laying in bed hoping for death, and even recognizable to before Cipro, when I thought my life was “fine”. Not to say that everything is perfect or “fine” now, it isn’t. I still struggle with health issues in varying degrees (I will elaborate on that in a minute) and I am still learning and advancing through this process of “recovery”, or, as I think of it now, my process of “awakening”. The onset of FQ toxicity was just the beginning of a journey that I am sure to be on for the rest of my life. For those of you still in the early phases, that may sound scary, but to those of you who’ve taken this journey with me, you know that what I speak of is nothing to fear. The only thing to fear, is fear itself. This is a life altering experience and if you allow it to become so for you, it will bring you to a place of total transformation and beauty.
Now that might all sound fine and good, or it might sound very confusing, but I know that most of you want to know about my physical condition above all else. Especially for those of you in the first year, this is a very physical experience and you are likely fixated on the physical (including psychological) impacts of fluoroquinolone toxicity. I want to be supportive to you all, which is why I created this site, so I will indulge you and start with the current status of my physical health.
Generally speaking my health is good. It would be challenging for a regular doctor to find anything “wrong” with me. My blood work all tests “normal”, my reflexes are good, my strength and flexibility is good, my stamina is good, my diet is good, etc. My mobility is good MOST of the time, depending on my neuropathy symptoms, which are dependent on the severity of my currently implemented detoxification procedures. My range of motion is about 95% in arms and legs. And the crazy, panic, fear, anxiety syndrome is a thing of the past with the exception of when I intentionally detoxify my body of stored emotional pain. My eyesight continues to deteriorate slowly, and I am told this is normal for my age (of course I would blame Cipro since I never had vision issues before the Cipro, but because of my age of 42 it is hard to deny that age could be playing a role here) and I do take comfort that the crazy visual phenomenon is gone and the focusing issues have improved. I still struggle with a leaky gut (poor nutritional absorption) and I have detected a kidney deficiency. The stress has caused continued hair loss (generalized thinning), but my skin, hair and nails all look healthy. And while this general overview of my health will satisfy some, I will take a few minutes to elaborate on the mobility issues and my journey with detoxifying.
When I first rise in the morning is when I notice that I am not “normal”. The first 10-15 steps I take in the morning are awkward because there is little to no flex in my ankles. It is as if the Achilles are asleep. But after a few paces, it all wakes up and functions normally and most days I do not notice abnormality for the rest of the day. The exceptions occur under two circumstances. One circumstance is when I “overdo” it, which for me means either too much mobility or not enough. If I stand still for a long period of time or spend all day on my feet, I will notice discomfort either in my feet, ankles, or heels. Alternately, if I am not active enough, such as with the use of a treadmill or stationary bike for at least 30 minutes a day, I will commonly suffer poor lymphatic movement and the result is the same: discomfort in my feet, ankles or heels. When this discomfort occurs, I elevate my feet, hydrate with oxygenated water, apply a certain combination of essential oils, and try to go to bed early. I will usually rise the next day and be back to my “new normal”. However, if I am actively detoxifying my body through the use of herbs, diet, etc, then I may feel particularly sensitive in the feet, ankles or heels through the duration of any detox program. Therefore, detox is still a big issue for me and I still struggle to find just the right pace with my detoxifications. I am a fast a furious kind of person, not a slow and steady mover by nature, so this is a constant challenge for me. I continue to rise to the challenge however, and have learned to appreciate this experience as an opportunity to overcome the personal challenge of learning to slow down.
As for my upper body, range of motion in the left shoulder was long ago restored although there is still a lot of scar tissue in there, and range of motion is slowly coming back in my right shoulder. The scar tissue has been a bear to deal with and requires manipulation by a chiropractor or body worker to loosen it up. And every time I break up some scar tissue, I release more toxins and run the risk of detoxifying too fast, which can lead to mobility setbacks. So, I have had to move slowly through this process, just breaking up a little scar tissue every one or two months. With each session, I find that I gain a little more motion and at this point I have released any fears that I will never heal my right shoulder. I can see that although it is a slow process, it is still progressing in the right direction and I am almost there. Plus, to be honest, if I never regain 100% range of motion, I have enough now that I will be okay to do 90% of the activities I desire. Considering where I have been, I cannot tell you how grateful I am to be able to use my arms as well as I can.
I’m sure there are lots of little details I am leaving out, but I can assure you that it is not intentional. I have tried so many remedies, modalities, techniques, supplements and diets I can’t possibly list them all here and it is a lot to keep track of when you are not journaling every day. I have started to write articles about several things that I have tried that have proven to be beneficial. I just need to find the time to finish those articles.
My life has become very busy. With better health has come more activity. My family life has become very active again, including socializing, family events, sport clubs, school activities, many camping trips and short vacations. Also, I work a lot. My healing practice has taken off so fast I can hardly keep up. In fact, I have had to deliberately reduce my hours and take firm control of my schedule to be sure I’m leaving enough time for my own personal care. Through the journey of healing my own body, I have become more deeply attuned to the physical and non physical components of illness and disease which has had an almost unbelievable impact on my own abilities as a healer. With my newly developed skills and insights, my clientele has been experiencing rapid recovery from their own conditions and the referrals keep rolling in. Of course, I am so grateful to have experienced this level of success, and this is just one of the many “gifts” my illness has brought to my life.
On a spiritual level things just keep getting better for me. I have deepened my faith and enhanced my relationships to my Angels, Guides, and God. My spiritual connectedness gets stronger and the light shines brighter with each day that passes. I am so grateful.
On an emotional level, I have only just begun to dig into the darkness and shed some light on the emotional impact this illness has taken on me and my family. To be honest, the prospect of doing this work has been extremely intimidating. No one likes to be uncomfortable, and feeling emotional discomfort is something I think we are programmed to avoid in most cases. I am no exception. I was raised to judge certain emotions as signs of weakness or as ugly. So processing sadness, anger, shame, guilt, and FEAR have been very challenging for me and I have expended a lot of energy putting this task off for another day. Well, that day has come and I am in the thick of it now. It is often very uncomfortable, but oh so very necessary for me to round out my healing experience. The benefits of doing this work are numerable. More courage. More strength. More resiliency. More clarity. More insight. More JOY. More gratitude. More compassion. And MORE LOVE. And while I am still learning to maneuver my way into the deeper/older emotions, the ones stored in my tendons, muscles, blood, organs, tissue and bones, I am finding that every second I spend TRYING to accomplish something in this realm is a second filled with success. Every drop of time I have invested here has paid off in spades. When you are ready, I encourage you to dip your toe into this well of opportunity.
Well, my family has just returned home from a birthday party and my “me” time has come to an end. I am sure there is much more to share, and I realize this is probably one of the less articulate articles I have written for this website, but I’m not sure it can be helped. Finding a 30 minute chunk of time to sit down and formulate my thoughts has been difficult, and I’m afraid that finding another 30 minutes for editing will be impossible in the near future. So please forgive this poorly organized and unedited addition to my website. Hopefully it will serve its purpose as a quick update and if you have any questions specific to my current condition, please feel free to post them on this page. Many thanks to you all, your loving support has always carried my soul and lifted my spirits. I hope you are all keeping up your own faith that you will recover and that your lives will heal.
Many blessings to you all,